Unexpected.

Who would have expected Saturday to turn out the way it did?

There we were, at Olive Garden, having the time of our lives: Eric was dressed up in a suit, I was feeling pretty myself, we were eating good food, laughing & flirting and life was good. We hung out afterwards, even kissing and having fun. Then we broke up.

The mood had changed in an instant, and I'm still not sure why. We talked for a while, sat quietly for a bit, shed some tears, asked questions and decided it was time to end things and move on. A break wasn't going to cut it for us. It was just time. It was out of love, though. No hard feelings, no resentment or regrets.

What could have been awkward was the little fact that Sunday was the 3rd anniversary of my dad's death. We had planned to go to church together and then on to Holland to visit the cemetery and the dunes. We decided to go ahead and do it anyway despite our "status," and God just transformed the whole day into a huge blessing. Church was great because Heidi was preaching and every bit of it was so relevant to our situation. She talked about how sometimes in order to follow Christ more closely, we have to sacrifice good things, not just keep the obvious commandments. Eric and I would look at each other and have to keep from cracking up, just because it was so funny how it suited our situation. (He was impressed with her preaching, and could understand that it was the kind of pastor I would want to be.) The service (even singing "Trust and Obey" at the end) affirmed our decision and was incredibly encouraging.

As the rest of the day went on, we just had the best time of being friends and talking together about what happened, where we were at, and even what our future relationships might look like and what we'd do with our lives. We joked about how our breakup was pretty amazing (after all, I got a $16 meal out of the deal! ha) and laughed when "Honey" would slip out. You'd think it would have been painful and/or awkward, but it wasn't. It was an enormous blessing to know that we could, and would, remain as friends.

I'm really relieved that a decision has been made. It was so stressful when things were in limbo-- never knowing how to feel or what to think or what was appropriate. Now that we've made the decision to go our separate ways, we can fully appreciate the other person's character and dreams. I think I probably love Eric more than ever, and not "just as friends," because that's not even relevant. I respect him deeply, and while I miss what we're losing (every decision eliminates possibilities, right Heidi?) I look forward to the future and knowing I have a dear friend's support every step of the way.


So here I am, still smiling at the grace that surrounds this situation and relieved that this decision seems to honor God's gifts to us. So much of yesterday's worship-- at both the church service and LOFT--was directed towards giving God ourselves and our lives. This song in particular struck a chord in my heart (especially the last verse):

Speak, O Lord

Speak, O Lord, as we come to You
To receive the food of Your Holy Word.
Take Your truth, plant it deep in us;
Shape and fashion us in Your likeness,
That the light of Christ might be seen today
In our acts of love and our deeds of faith.
Speak, O Lord, and fulfill in us
All Your purposes for Your glory.

Teach us, Lord, full obedience,
Holy reverence, true humility;
Test our thoughts and our attitudes
In the radiance of Your purity.
Cause our faith to rise; cause our eyes to see
Your majestic love and authority.
Words of pow'r that can never fail—
Let their truth prevail over unbelief.

Speak, O Lord, and renew our minds;
Help us grasp the heights of Your plans for us—
Truths unchanged from the dawn of time
That will echo down through eternity.
And by grace we'll stand on Your promises,
And by faith we'll walk as You walk with us.
Speak, O Lord, till Your church is built
And the earth is filled with Your glory.

Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2005 Thankyou Music



Beautiful fall colors at Saugutuck Dunes State Park :)


Eric


Betsy with a good reminder...


Lake Michigan!


Zach, Jane & Julia :)


All His joy be yours,
Betsy

Whole person spirituality

I am always amazed at the relationship between my self and my person.

Ok, that didn't make sense. Let me give an example--

For the last couple of weeks, I had been discombobulated. Up and down emotionally (sometimes all over the place in the same day), I had been physically tired and exhausted, my spiritual life was at an all-semester low, and I had quite a bit on my plate in the general sense.

To reflect this, my room was a disaster zone. No joke. Part of why I had been a bit reclusive in my dorm was because I didn't have the time/energy to clean and therefore couldn't have my door open. But I didn't want my door open because I didn't have time/energy, too.

So imagine the change when I got my energy back, started sleeping better, and while emotions are still reflecting what weekend it is--at least I know what they are! I've been encouraged and feeling better about where I'm at spritually, and this next week is going to be rather uneventful (EXCEPT for Godspell on Thursday!) and I'm rather relieved about that.

My room has been transformed.

Seriously, now. I spent all Thursday evening cleaning-- I did my laundry AND put my laundry away (two entirely different tasks!) I vacuumed, and I shook out the rugs, and vacuumed behind the furniture(!) and did a little bit of rearranging, I vacuumed the bathroom floor and cleaned the counter, I washed two weeks' worth of dishes, organized my desk and put away books, took care of my plants and added water to my fishtank, moved some pictures around, and "febreezed".

So which is it? Does my external life reflect my internal, or does my internal life reflect the external? That's a question I'll never really know the answer to-- but I do know that they have a lot to do with each other. I think we, myself included, often forget that we come before God as WHOLE people-- multifaceted beings that are so much more than simply "spiritual" (and you can argue, too, that we too often forget that everyone is a spiritual being, whether or not they believe in God...)




On an entirely different note,

The field trip to the IMAX & Zoo was so much fun. I was able to wield some authority (haha) and also wielded a camera (took over 100 pictures!) which my cooperating teacher was quite thrilled about. Our kids behaved pretty well, even though the class that joined us (mostly 8th grade boys) acted terribly. I can't believe that I only have a few weeks left there... I'm going to miss it so much.

I've also registered for classes. Turned out that J.Fellows is a 3 credit class, not a 1 credit class. Whoops. But it makes sense, even though it throws a wrench into my schedule. So I ended up registering for --

J.Fellows, obviously ;) (3)
Grammar for ESL (3)
Chemistry 101 (designed for non-math/non-science majors!) (4)
American Lit I (3)
Education 307 (3)

That's 16 credits right there, but I'm hoping to add Lingustics (3 credits) once I have time to hunt down approval for it. I feel like my Tues/Thurs could handle it, and I don't want to overlap Linguistics with Sociolinguistics. Not that I wouldn't mind staying at Calvin forever, but tuition is becoming increasingly problematic.


Time to get ahead on some work, and to read some more of T.Merton!

Betsy

Sortof an update...

It would be a real update if I had concrete things to say about a particular relationship I have with a significant other. But I don't. Things are up in the air, again. No real surprise there, I guess, but it's an entirely different ballpark than the last point of question.


On the other hand (besides vague references to even more obscure happenings) dorm worship tonight was a sucess, if it's not sacrilegious to say so. Seth and I decided to go with ideas that Mary Hulst had presented to us during LOFT on prayer. So, keeping with the spirit of contemplating God's attributes and how that affects the way we approach Him in prayer, we first introduced with Richard Foster's comment that "to pray means to change..." (from Celebration of the Disciplines). Then we went through a slideshow of pictures I've taken with different attributes of God on them, including companion & guide, creator, holy, majestic & measureless, worthy of our praise, gentle, etc. Seth and I took turns reading passages (Isaiah 40, Psalms 23/46, and an excerpt from a poem by Rilke in the collection Love Poems to God). We also sang three hymns a capella, which was just beautiful (What a friend we have in Jesus, How Great Thou Art, and Holy, holy, Holy!) Overall, it was restful and different than what we've been doing in dorm worship, which I felt was well-timed :) I'm looking forward to the next couple of weeks as we take Prayer even further...!


Oh, and I still love teaching. Love it, love it, love it. I was so tired on Tuesday and was glad to leave at noon, but today (Wednesday) it was so much fun because I got to be in charge all afternoon while my cooperating teacher went to an IEP meeting. (The teacher from the media center came to help supervise, but I ran the class!) We're going to the IMAX & John Ball Zoo on Friday, so I'm really excited about that. :)


And now that I've got Jubilee Fellows, that really takes care of a lot of concerns for next summer and fall. I'm feeling more drawn to ministry than ever, which is both exciting and scary. Eric and I had to stop by the seminary the other day because his paycheck had been found and brought to the office there-- and I made a comment about how I'd love to go to seminary someday. Eric looked at me, thought for a moment, and agreed. He said that it would be wrong for me not to. I guess the question is not "if," but "when"...


God is good. He has been giving me grace abundantly these days, and I'm not seeing it, but I know it's there because I'm surviving and could be doing a lot worse! He lets me know that He's using me despite me, and that good things can happen even when it seems hopeless. I love Him.


Here are some pictures from my walk with Mary today!


This red bike seemed to glow in the light.





Leaves and blue sky.





Me with my dear friend Mary (Barnabas in BB!)






I love playing in the leaves!!!


Mary's look of sheer delight is priceless here :)


...one more...



Great is thy faithfulness,
Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed thy hand hath provided,
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!


(and unto you, as well.)
Blessings,
Betsy

The Bi-annual Scheduling Puzzle!

Well, the bright side is that I got a spot on the Jubilee Fellows program! Yippee! :) I'm looking forward to the learning and growing that will happen through that seminar & internship.

On the not-so-bright side, I'm trying to figure out my schedule for the next semester (and inevitably, that involves figuring out the rest of my college career--when it's best to take what) and I can't say that it's much fun.

It's especially difficult, because I am doing my student teaching during the Spring of 09, which means that there are absolutely no other classes that I can take during that time, except the required concurrent Ed seminar.

The pickins are slim at this end of the college lump, that's for sure, and I'm trying to avoid taking very similar classes in the same semester (ie, American Lit I/Am Lit II or Linguistics/Sociolinguistics) which only complicates things further.

Not to mention that I'm not looking forward to Shakespeare (read: lots and lots of reading) so I've put that on the end of my list, and I'm still trying to figure out whether it's possible for me to take all FIVE FALL-ONLY classes during the fall of 2008, or if there will be scheduling conflicts that will force a few more credits onto Fall 2009, which I've recently accepted as fate.

So long, May '09 graduation. It was nice hoping for you. Looks like I'll be doing a victory lap around here. Maybe I should do two or three victory laps! :P Ha.

That said, at the moment I'm quite perturbed at the fact that I'm looking at 20 credits for this coming Spring, (including J.Fellows) which is actually quite ridiculous, considering that I'm a Barnabas as well, and I can't imagine that there's even actually time left in my schedule to get close to the "15 hours a week" we shoot for. I'm pretty sure something will have to go, or I'll go insane (or at least seriously hurt my lovely 3.6 GPA which I've had for this long, so why would I give it up now?)

If anything, I'm avoiding 8am classes. The least I can do is help myself get sleep.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering, Jubilee Fellows really doesn't change scheduling one bit. I'd still have to do at least an extra semester, and the program is helping out in other ways.

God is Good.

My life is His.

Relieved :)

Dorm retreat turned out to be a great time! I was able to get to know a few people better, which was probably the best part. There were fun games and good conversations (and pretty good lasanga for dinner to boot!) ;)

This morning our worship service went pretty well. We had a great group who led us in singing (loved "Be Thou My Vision") and I talked a bunch about how God uses our dreams and that we can actually go after those things we long for most. :) I guess I could have been more articulate, but I had a lot of people aftewards tell me that they appreciated what I said. Yay! :) I tried to come at it in a conversational way (as conversational as you can be in front of 90 students, ha) because I reminded myself that I love these people, and I should talk to them from my heart.

And... because homework is minimal for this weekend, I'm actually going to curl up with a good book this afternoon. I'm looking forward to that. It'll be a good way to rest before a crazy week!

Jubilee Fellows interview tomorrow... aaaaaaah! I'm nervous about it because I really want a spot. We'll see what happens. :)

Oh, and I get to teach this week! Yay! I need to start putting together a lesson plan for Friday. That'll be fun.

Yup yup. Life is good.
Betsy

Heartsore.

Last night I grieved (a lot? Hard? how do you measure the levels of intensity?) for my dad.


I stopped by my mom's house with Eric after dropping Meghan off to pick up my winter coat. She was still up, so we stayed and chatted. Somehow we got onto the subject of Dad, and I found out some things about his sickness that I was never really aware of. I just remember the social side of the sickness, the everyday life. I knew as much about the medical side.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself as a child, especially as a sixth grader. I always just knew what I had felt (ie, I felt "old" because I was in middle school!) and I had assumed that I knew what was going on and that I could handle what was going on. Because there were the moments when I was frustrated. It seemed as though my parents didn't want to tell me what was going on; they always struggled with that balance of how much I should know and how to help me lead a normal life.

But having worked with middle schoolers in the last few weeks, I've realized how young they are, but also how intuitive they can be. They still have so much innocence (even the ones from refugee camps) but they're embracing life head-on, too. I see myself in them.

Anyhow, the realization set in on the way home from Holland of how unfair it was to lose my dad at age 45 (and then for him to die slowly until he was 51) to a disease that there are so many unanswered questions about.

(Why didn't the doctors do something about the mark on his rib from day one? How did he get cancer? How long had he been living with it? What if he had never gone in for that routine physical?)

Eric and I sat in a parking lot just off the freeway while I cried. I hadn't felt angry about any of this in a long time, but for a while I was. Grief is a strange thing. It never has a smooth 5 step process. Sometimes it reverses itself. Sometimes it takes years to move forward. My grief is stamped with my own individuality, however odd that sounds.


It's time for me to go.


Betsy

Momentum

Whoa.


No really, whoa. As if that phrase could somehow slow down my life, even for just a minute. 5 minutes would be great. Sure, an hour would be pushing it, but I'd sure take a 25 hour day here and there. It must be God's gift to us that the universe does have its set laws and limits. Something would be drastically wrong if we suddenly had 25 hour days. Something would be drastically wrong within our souls if we were forced to keep pushing one more hour each day.

Except for the people who never noticed the extra hour and simply went on living as always, only they would get an extra hour of sleep each night. That sounds nice, too.

I didn't realize till after the fact how much I expended my energies into pouring into others' lives today. I enjoyed it, but it cost me to the point where I came back into my room overwhelmed and hoping no one would catch me before I could safely lock the door and crawl under the covers. I don't like feeling that way. There's a point where too much interaction is just too much.

It's not as though 5 hours of constant interaction is too much; but it wasn't balanced. It's the whole input-output concept. I wasn't getting enough input to be able to put out that much output... which isn't healthy. I'd sooner hang myself than do that all year. That's not what Barnabas is about. It's the process of wrestling with the balance that counts more.

Thank goodness I'm able to see this about myself, before I go on doing it without realizing it.

I'm going to hole up tomorrow morning and afternoon, working on stuff for dorm retreat, and then spend time with an old friend, followed by some possible "fun night" activities with Mosaic (because I want to support them and get to know some of them. And to have fun).

Saturday, though, and Sunday, will be major expending days: Dorm Retreat! And it's going to be fun, and intense, and hopefully somehow relaxing. Geez. I risk being wholly exhausted, but I've got to trust my good friend Yeshua for this one ;)

Boom: Friday. Boom: Saturday & Sunday. Boom: Monday... and J.Fellows interview. Boom Boom Boom Boom: I find out if I got the internship or not. Yikes! I'm nervous because I want the placement soooooo badly... not nervous about the actual interview (yet.)

Ok. I need rest. Time for bed.


Betsy

Who do you see?

Look at this picture of this 87-year-old woman. What are your first thoughts? What would you assume about her?



Her name is Doris Lessing, and she just won a Nobel Prize in Literature.
The countries that she was born in and grew up in no longer exist.
When she was 15, she ran away from home.
She taught herself through reading.
She's a feminist with outspoken political views; so much so that countries in Africa actually declared her a "prohibited alien" in 1956.

Amazing, isn't she?

Picture from the New York Times-- the article is here.

Bloated with Wealth?

How does a Christian respond to something like this?

One more down...

With triumph, I'm able to cross off another book on my reading list (at the bottom of this site). I had been about half-way through A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren, and decided to sit down and finish it this morning.

On a scale of 1-5, I'd give it about 3 stars. It was thought-provoking, but a little discombobulated at times and not as articulate as it could have been. I tend to be slightly skeptical of "Christian Fiction" in the first place. I can see why, though, a lot of people appreciate this book. I agreed with a lot of aspects that McLaren brought up, and I'm encouraged by it, too. Still, though, it's not very practical, yet it's full of much-needed vision. This is a significant time of transition for the Church, as we look toward the global south and realize how we, too, are suspect to cultural syncretism (something we often critize in other regions) to an enormous--and perhaps diseased--extent.

Not sure which my next book will be. I have to admit, regardless how I actually rate the book, it is definitely refreshing to get my theological muscle working. :) I need to do that for myself more often-- even CS Lewis encourages working through a bit of theology for "devotions" and that it can be much more effective for us than simply reading a random bit of Scripture!

Time to take a long shower, organize some notes, do some Barnabas-ing, and perhaps begin another book :)

Betsy

More cool things to check out----

The $100 laptop:
Revolutionary for poor kids in other countries!

Liberia

This is hopeful! What a great article about how change is possible.

The End of an African Nightmare: Liberia

Dr. Gushee and I are good friends, now :)

Addendum to "Life is good":

God is good.


I went to Dr. Gushee's talk tonight, and it was an extension of love straight from God. Although Gushee had a whole handout of notes about the history of the decline in sucessful marriages, he decided to speak from the gut. And the way he approached it was to address all of us as though he were speaking to his 20-year-old daughter, Holly, who is seriously considering marriage. He walked us through things he'd like her/us to know, and it was done in a really thoughtful, helpful way.

When he started introducing his lecture as a conversation with his daughter, I actually had to wipe a couple tears away. If you read my last post, you'll know that I've been missing my dad a lot today and being sad that I can't talk to him about exactly these sorts of things. Dr. Gushee did that for me tonight, and it was just such a good fit for what I needed: wise, fatherly advice on preparing for life with someone and what things to think about.

Since he and I had already been introduced, it just made it all more significant, and I wanted to thank him for approaching in it that way. But after the talk, I was so bummed that I didn't have any money on me to purchase a book for him to sign. That's when God prompted me to talk to Andy afterwards. I was kind of hoping Andy would have money to loan me when I approached him, but when it came up, he whipped out his credit card and told me to go ask if they took credit. Wow. And what's more, Andy wouldn't let me pay him back. (Again, God was taking care of me!)

So when I finally did approach Dr. Gushee, he was pleased to see me again, and I told him that I appreciated his talk and how I had lost my dad three years ago, so it meant a lot for him to do it that way. He was a bit startled, and then gave me a hug, saying that he prayed for the right approach for the lecture. What he wrote in my book was wonderful, too. :)

So yes. All I can say in response is...


Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him, all creatures here below!
Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts!
Praise Father, Son,
and Holy Ghost.
AMEN.

New book on the reading list...

So. Now I want to read Getting Marriage Right by Dr. David Gushee. Why? Because I met him this afternoon and he seemed to have some really good things to say. There was a "conversation" in the chapel undercroft for persons interested in ministry about the topic of marriage, and I decided it was worth checking out. I asked so many questions that after the third one, he wanted to know what my name was. Ha. :) He's also doing a public lecture tonight, so I'll go to that with a couple of girls on my floor.

Life is good.

I'm finding that I'm really starting to slack off in speech and a little bit in geography because it's too easy. Both of them are 100-level classes, though. I've been getting 100% on the "geo-quizzes" and the only questions I get wrong in oral rhetoric are the questions that are phrased awkwardly (like what exactly does he mean by "directional"? Is that linguistic direction or spatial direction?) and so on.

It really has helped my homework load to have classes two days a week, without any 3-per-week courses. How refreshing. It's going to be a reality check to have to take Chem 101 and a lit class next semester. BUT at least my GPA is still at a healthy >3.5 area, so that gives me some fall-back room, and because this semester was 17 credits, hopefully I can bring that down to 14 if I need to.

October is always going to be a hard month for me for the rest of my life. Not only are does the September high start decreasing, but it's a very emotionally charged month for me. September 30 is my mom's remarriage anniversary, and I don't usually realize it until the next day anyway. Not that it's a bad thing she's remarried (I'm so glad she is) but what that means for the void of my own dad in my life. That's only accentuated by the fact his death is at the end of October. It's like my month of grief, returning almost Sabbatically for me, so I don't forget that part of my history and my identity. I miss my dad a lot. There are a lot of things that I've grown into and learned about that I wish I could talk to him about. I have a lot of questions, too. Sometimes I'm driving home from Harrison Park and I'll think of calling my mom, and I wish that I could call him and tell him about the joys of teacher aiding, too. I'm trying to avoid phrasing these emotions in a "I wish I had done that" or "I should have done this" because the person I was then is not the same person I am now. It's irrevelant to regret what I didn't do then, because I couldn't do then what I wish I could do now. I know he would have been proud of me. I just wish I could go home for Sunday dinner and see him there, to give him a hug, I wish there wasn't a void in my heart & life where he should be.


Drinking two cans of Coke is not healthy, nor does it feel good in the tummy.


I'm going to see if I can't get something done before Gushee's lecture~


Love.

Betsy

I am "Ms. V" -- and loving it!

Big news: I had my first "mini-lesson" today in my classroom!

I had perused the curriculum center here at Calvin and found these great cards that had proverbs/common phrases on them (like "don't put all your eggs in one basket" or "the best things in life are free") and illustrated with some pretty funny cartoon pictures, like an actual judge and cartoon book being "judged"! When I saw them, I thought "hey, my ESL kids could probably learn something and have fun with these" so I suggested them to my cooperating teacher last week. She said that I could do that activity with the students today!

So what I did was put the cards on the ELMO projector (projector minus trasparencies: LOVE IT) and let the kids give me answers to what they thought the proverbs meant. Then, we looked at the three options, and I took a class poll. When they had all guessed, I asked one of the students to come up and find out (with a cool little laser) which answer was correct! The students loved it and responded positively. They were all engaged and wanting to answer my questions. :)

The best part, though, was afterwards, when we finished and the kids were all smiles, and one 7th grader, Eddie, said that I was a great teacher and gave me an "A"!!

And, at the end of the day, my cooperating teacher told me I did a great job with the kids, that I was a natural, that I had a calming voice and gentle demeanor, and that I had the gift of teaching!

Talk about affirmation! :D

I can hardly wait to do my lesson on the North Pole in a couple weeks...

tired.

I'm tired, but it's amazing what a powernap can do for you :) Right before the BTeam meeting I could barely stay awake, so I snuck into the Alumni Board Meeting room and took a nap for a 1/2 hour on the floor. Glorious Bliss. I woke up surprisingly refreshed enough to last a two hour meeting with some of my favorite people :)

But boy, what a schedule I've got for this week! Teacher aiding every morning (which is more fun than work!) five class periods to go to, a monthly CLC meeting for the dorm, a few on-campus events/lectures I'd really like to hit up, coffee with a new friend of mine from Kuyper College, Dorm worship, and volunteering at a place I found downtown called WMCAT (West michigan Center for the Arts and Technology) which is just fantastic. I'll be tutoring down there 2 hours on my Friday afternoons, since I'm already downtown for aiding anyway and don't have other classes.

Speaking of the city, I just loved LOFT yesterday! Everything about it spoke to me. Actually, it didn't really speak to me. It just embodied what I already love and believe about the Christian community. I missed Glasgow and my volunteer placement there quite a lot, but it definitely reflects a part of my heart that I have for the under-resourced. I think it's a fantastic thing to be in community in that way. (Makes me want to do Project Neighborhood even more next year!)

And even though I love it, it's one of the hardest elements for me to be in. I think some people naturally step into that enviroment and flourish, but it's a challenge for me. I tend to grow and reflect more, though, which I think I do like and appreciate about that. I deeply miss the people I worked with in Drumchapel, Scotland, because they were so real. Being a part of their community was a deeply moving thing. Even taking the bus for a half hour a couple times a week to be in their midst was a journey into another world that transformed my views about community and service and what it means to be integrated in it.

I'm sort of addicted to volunteering, and I hope it's in a good way. I love what it means for me. I remember once that Heidi and I were talking about disciplines, and usually I only beat myself up for the disciplines that I'm mostly a failure at, but it had occurred to me for the first time then that I might actually be good at a few disciplines! I think that Joy is one of them, but also service through volunteering. I've been able to make it a consistent part of my life in almost every semester since I was in high school! --In some capacity. I'm disappointed in the times that I have some "service" that I'm doing but it's required for a class, etc., and I don't take the initative to volunteer in the voluntary sense, but still. I'm glad to be doing it. Being in Scotland really helped me commit to that, too. Basically it's my life goal to be always volunteering my time and efforts and gifts in some capacity outside of what is required of me, simply because I can't tithe money, but I can tithe my time (which in some ways is far more valuable than a lump sum). And I don't volunteer just because it's "fun," or because I can do something nice every now and then. I volunteer because it's something I do for my community and for myself. More often than not, at some point in my commitment to serve, I end up dreading going because I have a test or some other interesting thing going on--and even when I go it's not always "worth it"-- at least not immediately. The consistent giving of my time has just become so intrinsic to being a part of faith, that staying loyal to service is tied to being loyal to God. I trust Him to give me the time management skills to get everything done and still have time to give to Him in this way.

It's a beautiful thing :)

Bets