This winter is manic-depressive. Manic, because of the mood swings between the springtime in early January turned blizzards by February, and depressive since the lack of sunshine gets to me and I end up with a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Hurrying along the damp black path, bundled up, cheeks flushed, I glanced up for once at the glaring white snow. To my left, the snowplows had been unrelentless with the mounds scraped up from the 80-some inches received this month. To my right, however, the snow was far less dramatic and almost inviting. I found myself imagining what it would be like to make a snow angel, before quickly dismissing the idea for two logical reasons: wet and cold. Yet that didn't keep me from pausing to pick up a small chunk. Suddenly my senses exploded in a way they hadn't all season: the tingling burn of the freezing snow on my warm skin, noticing the powdery layer dusted over a crusted center, watching the droplets form while other pieces floated to the ground with crumbs trailing behind me as I continued on my way, fondly remembering the days when playing with the snow was an unconscious impulse.
It was a shock, realizing that the world I lived in was very different than the world I actually interacted with. It has been snowing for weeks now, but to actually experience snow was a rare instance. Considering the norms that I've been socialized into since coming to Calvin (adults don't play, they have hobbies) it's not surprising that this trend towards the controlled, constructive and conceptual devalues the spontaneous, inefficient and detailed ways of learning. It's much easier to live in a world that observes snow from a distance, because it eliminates the chances of circumstances turning messy or inconvenient. Yet snow remains nothing but a concept to know about, not something to know. It's an entirely different scenario once you get out the sleds, spend an hour constructing forts and snowmen, and return indoors exhausted but satisfied.
As I consider my role as an educator and what kinds of learning environments I want to create for my students, I can see how teaching language can be a bit like an attitude towards winter. It's very easy to look at the English language from a distance: to read, to take notes and to write a persuasive essay arguing one thesis or another with the rules already given. It's an entirely different experience altogether to consider teaching students to play with language. It might be the same text as before, but with an alternative approach. Suddenly students aren't being given the rules; through experimentation they encounter ways to write that are more persuasive than others. If that's unpredictable, there are ways that teachers can allow students to get even messier. A grammar game suddenly allows students to observe and internalize patterns before the actual rules are articulated. Spending a class period on puns or 'Spoonerisms' can engage students and teach them about the stranger aspects of the English language while
During my teacher aiding with ESL middle schoolers, I came across a "Famous Words and Phrases" FunDeck that was illustrated with cartoons (appropriate for preteens) and included a small led light to reveal the answers. I introduced each card by showing the picture and the phrase (such as "Don't count your chickens before they hatch") and asked the students for their interpretations. Then, revealing the three options for the meaning, we took a class vote on which was correct before finding out the answer together. It was a hit with the students and it was rewarding to have them all actively engaged! It taught me a valuable lesson in finding ways to look at meanings in addition to decoding words and examining structures. I could have taught handed out a list of phrases and meanings and given a quiz the next day, but who really wants to assign more mediocre homework?
In the end, the choice is mine; I can choose to play with language just as I can choose to spend a little more time outside. It comes down to a willingness to get messy by finding creative ways of looking at the same material. It may also mean facing criticism for venturing into this unpredictable, uncharted territory. My hope is that I might inspire creativity and new ways of thinking among my students that might have not been there before; in setting arbitrary symbols and words aside in order to appreciate the very heart of language, which is ultimately the communication of meaning.
Betsy
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Sleep cycles...
I've realized a number of things about myself which are actually rather helpful.
The first is that I've always had a really hard time waking up in the morning. I can sleep like a rock, and I can sleep for hours, but I just can't wake up very easily. Last week I accidently left my blinds completely open when I went to bed (which isn't bad, I live on the 3rd floor) and lo-and-behold, I woke up on my own and refreshed at 7:30am when I didn't need to be at work until 9am. Normally I'm the type that runs out the door after getting up a half hour--or less--earlier. "Hmm," I thought to myself, "That's very interesting." So, with a sneaking suspicion and a hunch, I wondered what would happen if I did that before a 10:30am class today. I set my alarm for 8:35am (gives me plenty of time to hit the snooze about 7 times) and lo-and-behold, with my blinds all the way up, I woke up on my own and refreshed! at 8:25am. I've decided that my body really needs light to wake up (Duh, normally you turn the lights on when you get up, but it's not the same thing). I've seen commercials on TV advertising lights that gradually get brighter in the mornings for people (apparently like me) who respond to light well. I'd also like to point out that I've definitely been getting enough sleep lately--no problems there. It's just been that ever since I was a kid I'd have a hard time getting going in the morning.
Granted, in Michigan, it helps when there is actually SUNSHINE in the morning, like today!
I can't believe it's Friday already. This week FLEW by! Last weekend seemed really busy, though I can't quite remember why (Besides working and that Rangeela was fantastic!) and then Tuesday I had my Merton presentation for J.Fellows, Wednesday I had lunch with family, Thursday I worked again, had a phone interview with the lady in SoCal, and coffee with Seth, and then goofed around with Debbi for a little while before applying myself to Grammar. And now it's Friday, again. I don't know quite what I'm doing this weekend, although I should take advantage of a free weekend since I don't work at all! (Which actually isn't entirely good news, since my work $$ is my grocery $$. I got groceries already this week, so I should be okay...)
Well. There are more things that I've been pondering about myself, but they're still in the works. Right now I need to shift my attention back to grammar, and to my impending Chemistry test, and I need a shower...
But all in all, things are looking up.
Bets
The first is that I've always had a really hard time waking up in the morning. I can sleep like a rock, and I can sleep for hours, but I just can't wake up very easily. Last week I accidently left my blinds completely open when I went to bed (which isn't bad, I live on the 3rd floor) and lo-and-behold, I woke up on my own and refreshed at 7:30am when I didn't need to be at work until 9am. Normally I'm the type that runs out the door after getting up a half hour--or less--earlier. "Hmm," I thought to myself, "That's very interesting." So, with a sneaking suspicion and a hunch, I wondered what would happen if I did that before a 10:30am class today. I set my alarm for 8:35am (gives me plenty of time to hit the snooze about 7 times) and lo-and-behold, with my blinds all the way up, I woke up on my own and refreshed! at 8:25am. I've decided that my body really needs light to wake up (Duh, normally you turn the lights on when you get up, but it's not the same thing). I've seen commercials on TV advertising lights that gradually get brighter in the mornings for people (apparently like me) who respond to light well. I'd also like to point out that I've definitely been getting enough sleep lately--no problems there. It's just been that ever since I was a kid I'd have a hard time getting going in the morning.
Granted, in Michigan, it helps when there is actually SUNSHINE in the morning, like today!
I can't believe it's Friday already. This week FLEW by! Last weekend seemed really busy, though I can't quite remember why (Besides working and that Rangeela was fantastic!) and then Tuesday I had my Merton presentation for J.Fellows, Wednesday I had lunch with family, Thursday I worked again, had a phone interview with the lady in SoCal, and coffee with Seth, and then goofed around with Debbi for a little while before applying myself to Grammar. And now it's Friday, again. I don't know quite what I'm doing this weekend, although I should take advantage of a free weekend since I don't work at all! (Which actually isn't entirely good news, since my work $$ is my grocery $$. I got groceries already this week, so I should be okay...)
Well. There are more things that I've been pondering about myself, but they're still in the works. Right now I need to shift my attention back to grammar, and to my impending Chemistry test, and I need a shower...
But all in all, things are looking up.
Bets
Thursday, February 14, 2008
And there are some things that just never change.
I was feeling pretty depressed tonight. It hit me that I'd be alone tomorrow for the first time in five years. It also hit me that I'd never gotten Valentine's Day flowers since my dad gave them to me in 2003. And I was grieving my dad in and of itself-- Missing him, wishing he were here to hug, to take me out tomorrow. Sad that his birthday on Friday will come and go. He would have been only 55 years old. So young. I often wonder if my zest for accomplishing things in life early is affected by the fact that I could only have 30--not 60-- years left, or less. I don't think I've ever actually imagined myself "old and gray."
Anyhow, there were tears and heartache as I sat in my room missing my dad immensely and also missing Eric, too. Then there was a knock on my door, and Eric was on the phone asking if I wanted to go out to Meijer. I was up for a good distraction, so I agreed and picked him up.
When we got to Meijer, I asked what he needed to get, and he said "I wanted to get you flowers."
Turns out he hadn't even known about my earlier sadness or even the trend of not having flowers for Valentine's day. So he bought a couple carnations for some of his other lady friends but bought me a gorgeous orchid (it was that or the creamy white roses, but I wanted a potted plant!) which I am very happy to have on my desk right now. There are 8 flowers on it right now, too. I love it. :) Totally made my night... I'm so glad he's my best friend. As I've said before-- We're not dating, but we still know how to take care of each other. :)
So. Here's to all the men who I've loved and lost--Happy Valentine's Day.
Bets
Anyhow, there were tears and heartache as I sat in my room missing my dad immensely and also missing Eric, too. Then there was a knock on my door, and Eric was on the phone asking if I wanted to go out to Meijer. I was up for a good distraction, so I agreed and picked him up.
When we got to Meijer, I asked what he needed to get, and he said "I wanted to get you flowers."
Turns out he hadn't even known about my earlier sadness or even the trend of not having flowers for Valentine's day. So he bought a couple carnations for some of his other lady friends but bought me a gorgeous orchid (it was that or the creamy white roses, but I wanted a potted plant!) which I am very happy to have on my desk right now. There are 8 flowers on it right now, too. I love it. :) Totally made my night... I'm so glad he's my best friend. As I've said before-- We're not dating, but we still know how to take care of each other. :)
So. Here's to all the men who I've loved and lost--Happy Valentine's Day.
Bets
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Thomas Merton Appreciation Week!
Jubilee Fellows was splendid tonight. Lots of good discussion and thought provoking ideas about what the Church is and how we respond to those who say "Jesus-YES! Church-No!" Very interesting indeed, especially thinking about how my own response to that has changed from my 16 year old self to today's self.
Besides that, I've been enlisted to go first for our "Cloud of Witnesses" projects. Each of us will give a presentation on a "witness" in history whom we admire and want to share about. I, of course, am doing my presentation on Thomas Merton. I'm very excited about the project and so this week will be Thomas Merton Appreciation Week :) I'll hopefully be finishing up Seven Storey Mountain and research more of what he's written. Thomas Merton has been my literary mentor since June 2, 2005--that's when I first picked up and bought his book No Man is an Island. For the last two and a half years, I have gone back to this book time and time again, and it has followed me around the world to Yellowstone and Scotland. I've read his words on Silence and Solitude while riding on a bus to and from my volunteer placement. I've read his words on vocation during times of questioning and in times of living it out. His wisdom has inspired me, shaped me, and affirmed me. He articulated so much of what my heart had been telling me about what it means to pursue dreams and that God wills us to be ourselves.
Reading his autobiography has been huge in developing a greater respect for his life and work. It's one thing to imagine a monk and undermine him for his reclusiveness--it's another thing to read him knowing that his first ambition in life was to seek out every possible material thing and and travel as a connoisseur of pleasure.
On top of it all, Merton is wonderfully accessible and articulate. It doesn't take long before you get used to his writing style, and each chapter in No Man is an Island can be read individually or as part of a larger process.
I'm grateful to Merton and to what his words have meant to me. I know that he will continue to be an influence in my life. I can hardly wait to meet him one day :)
More later, likely :)
Bets
Besides that, I've been enlisted to go first for our "Cloud of Witnesses" projects. Each of us will give a presentation on a "witness" in history whom we admire and want to share about. I, of course, am doing my presentation on Thomas Merton. I'm very excited about the project and so this week will be Thomas Merton Appreciation Week :) I'll hopefully be finishing up Seven Storey Mountain and research more of what he's written. Thomas Merton has been my literary mentor since June 2, 2005--that's when I first picked up and bought his book No Man is an Island. For the last two and a half years, I have gone back to this book time and time again, and it has followed me around the world to Yellowstone and Scotland. I've read his words on Silence and Solitude while riding on a bus to and from my volunteer placement. I've read his words on vocation during times of questioning and in times of living it out. His wisdom has inspired me, shaped me, and affirmed me. He articulated so much of what my heart had been telling me about what it means to pursue dreams and that God wills us to be ourselves.
Reading his autobiography has been huge in developing a greater respect for his life and work. It's one thing to imagine a monk and undermine him for his reclusiveness--it's another thing to read him knowing that his first ambition in life was to seek out every possible material thing and and travel as a connoisseur of pleasure.
On top of it all, Merton is wonderfully accessible and articulate. It doesn't take long before you get used to his writing style, and each chapter in No Man is an Island can be read individually or as part of a larger process.
I'm grateful to Merton and to what his words have meant to me. I know that he will continue to be an influence in my life. I can hardly wait to meet him one day :)
More later, likely :)
Bets
Farthest Shore--David Wilcox
We were there in the woods by the water
We left our packs up against that willow tree
We dove right in, keeping just what we were born with
Our Memories, Knowledge and Dreams
As I swam away from our possessions
I imagined that they were gone forever more
And for once I was glad that all I treasured
Would still be with me as I reached other shore.
So...Let me dive into the water,
Leave behind all that I've worked for
Except what I remember and believe
And when I stand on the farthest shore
I will have all I need
After the blaze burned our cabin down to ashes
Where we'd slept warm, now the sky lets in the rain
I found the strings, frets and rusted latches
But I will never hear that old guitar again
These four walls are only in my memory
Where these stone steps rise to nothing in the air
So one last look and I'm headed for the river
To wash my hands and try to say this prayer
So...Let me dive into the water,
Leave behind all that I've worked for
Except what I remember and believe
And when I stand on the farthest shore
I will have all I need
When my time to live this life is over
I'll tip my hat when I think about that swim
And of all the things that make a life worth living
That only come to those who dive right in
So...Let me dive into the water,
Leave behind all that I've worked for
Except what I remember and believe
And when I stand on the farthest shore
I will have all I need
All I need.....
Let me dive into the water...
It's all I need
Listened to this song in class today. It's about earthly possessions and how, when it's all said and done, we're only going to be left with memories and dreams when we're on the farthest shore. And yet something rings true with Wilcox's line "and try to pray this prayer [that I'll have all I need]." Trying to believe and live that way is hard.
Having a minor identity crisis, but wouldn't worry too much about it. Seems to be happening quite a lot lately. Some days (like today) I'm shocked at myself that I ever went to Scotland or that I ever spent a summer in Yellowstone. Those days seem so long ago. I have accomplished so much in 20 years, that I wonder if I've "expired" my adventures; if I've gone and used them up already. Kind of a daunting thought. I know I'm longing to take off again, but with only $30 in my checking account, I can't even fill up my gas tank.
I know what I'd like to do if I could up and leave, but I also know it is only getting harder and harder to dream that way. I long to go on an adventure, but I think I'm becoming less picky on which adventures to go for as the options are limitless. Actually, I wouldn't even mind if they were someone else's dreams that I could tag along for.
Graduation is in December 2009. Student teaching is Spring 2009. Next fall will be the bulk of my final classes that I have to take, with whatever ones that are still required tagged to the semester after student teaching. You'd think that with Adventure just over the horizon, I'd have plenty to keep me busy.
I know I'd like to get my Master's someday. IPSL (the organization I went to Scotland with) has a pretty amazing, year-long Master's program that involves service in both Jamaica and England. But I'd also like to go to Seminary. Somewhere in there I want to teach. I'm going to be a life-long student, that's for sure.
But there's so much more that I long for. I long for wholeness and an identity I can be consistent in. There has been so much soul-shaping that I've lived through from 11 years old to today that I guess that has been a psuedo identity. No wonder I feel confused when I'm not actually going through something drastic-- externally, anyway.
I need to finish my readings for J.Fellows. I sense a reluctance in my heart to embrace what the texts say, because it means entering into community and right now, that has been hard to do. I was vulnerable to my community and I got hurt from it, when instead I wanted to be a more integrated, open part to it. The Church is imperfect--that much I can wholeheartedly agree with. I guess it gives me all the more responsibility to play a role in Her edification, as much as my own. Sigh. That's hard.
I had coffee with Heidi today. It was, as it nearly always is, incredibly refreshing. It allowed me to internally let out a breath of relief and say "Ah... yes. I'm going to be alright" and find a place to hope and dream. Heidi is a beautiful example to me how precious the calling to be a servant in the Church really is (even in all its stressful moments!) Thank you, Heidi :)
Oh, and I miss my dad. This coming friday would have been his 55th Birthday. I wish he were here. There's so much I'd like to talk to him about. If only my heart would cry out to my Heavenly Father more often in the way my heart longs for my dad right now.
We left our packs up against that willow tree
We dove right in, keeping just what we were born with
Our Memories, Knowledge and Dreams
As I swam away from our possessions
I imagined that they were gone forever more
And for once I was glad that all I treasured
Would still be with me as I reached other shore.
So...Let me dive into the water,
Leave behind all that I've worked for
Except what I remember and believe
And when I stand on the farthest shore
I will have all I need
After the blaze burned our cabin down to ashes
Where we'd slept warm, now the sky lets in the rain
I found the strings, frets and rusted latches
But I will never hear that old guitar again
These four walls are only in my memory
Where these stone steps rise to nothing in the air
So one last look and I'm headed for the river
To wash my hands and try to say this prayer
So...Let me dive into the water,
Leave behind all that I've worked for
Except what I remember and believe
And when I stand on the farthest shore
I will have all I need
When my time to live this life is over
I'll tip my hat when I think about that swim
And of all the things that make a life worth living
That only come to those who dive right in
So...Let me dive into the water,
Leave behind all that I've worked for
Except what I remember and believe
And when I stand on the farthest shore
I will have all I need
All I need.....
Let me dive into the water...
It's all I need
Listened to this song in class today. It's about earthly possessions and how, when it's all said and done, we're only going to be left with memories and dreams when we're on the farthest shore. And yet something rings true with Wilcox's line "and try to pray this prayer [that I'll have all I need]." Trying to believe and live that way is hard.
Having a minor identity crisis, but wouldn't worry too much about it. Seems to be happening quite a lot lately. Some days (like today) I'm shocked at myself that I ever went to Scotland or that I ever spent a summer in Yellowstone. Those days seem so long ago. I have accomplished so much in 20 years, that I wonder if I've "expired" my adventures; if I've gone and used them up already. Kind of a daunting thought. I know I'm longing to take off again, but with only $30 in my checking account, I can't even fill up my gas tank.
I know what I'd like to do if I could up and leave, but I also know it is only getting harder and harder to dream that way. I long to go on an adventure, but I think I'm becoming less picky on which adventures to go for as the options are limitless. Actually, I wouldn't even mind if they were someone else's dreams that I could tag along for.
Graduation is in December 2009. Student teaching is Spring 2009. Next fall will be the bulk of my final classes that I have to take, with whatever ones that are still required tagged to the semester after student teaching. You'd think that with Adventure just over the horizon, I'd have plenty to keep me busy.
I know I'd like to get my Master's someday. IPSL (the organization I went to Scotland with) has a pretty amazing, year-long Master's program that involves service in both Jamaica and England. But I'd also like to go to Seminary. Somewhere in there I want to teach. I'm going to be a life-long student, that's for sure.
But there's so much more that I long for. I long for wholeness and an identity I can be consistent in. There has been so much soul-shaping that I've lived through from 11 years old to today that I guess that has been a psuedo identity. No wonder I feel confused when I'm not actually going through something drastic-- externally, anyway.
I need to finish my readings for J.Fellows. I sense a reluctance in my heart to embrace what the texts say, because it means entering into community and right now, that has been hard to do. I was vulnerable to my community and I got hurt from it, when instead I wanted to be a more integrated, open part to it. The Church is imperfect--that much I can wholeheartedly agree with. I guess it gives me all the more responsibility to play a role in Her edification, as much as my own. Sigh. That's hard.
I had coffee with Heidi today. It was, as it nearly always is, incredibly refreshing. It allowed me to internally let out a breath of relief and say "Ah... yes. I'm going to be alright" and find a place to hope and dream. Heidi is a beautiful example to me how precious the calling to be a servant in the Church really is (even in all its stressful moments!) Thank you, Heidi :)
Oh, and I miss my dad. This coming friday would have been his 55th Birthday. I wish he were here. There's so much I'd like to talk to him about. If only my heart would cry out to my Heavenly Father more often in the way my heart longs for my dad right now.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Checking in :)
Hello, all.
I am definitely amazed by what getting enough sleep can do for study habits. I've been making an effort to get in bed earlier on a more consistent basis (with exceptions) and I don't know quite what it is, but it seems that this affects studying--imagine that! I'd also add, though, that the significant change in my social life has also been conducive to studying.
I'm happy with the level of challenge I'm facing right now. Naturally, it would be nice if my homework didn't take any effort at all, but that can be even "less fun" at times. Nor do I appreciate work that is always over my head. Rather, between the grammar and the chemistry, the homework has mostly been a puzzle that a little bit of time (and a few questions of more experienced friends) can work out. It's bordering on "fun"...
So. Life is good. Even with Chem101 and Grammar. :)
Betsy
I am definitely amazed by what getting enough sleep can do for study habits. I've been making an effort to get in bed earlier on a more consistent basis (with exceptions) and I don't know quite what it is, but it seems that this affects studying--imagine that! I'd also add, though, that the significant change in my social life has also been conducive to studying.
I'm happy with the level of challenge I'm facing right now. Naturally, it would be nice if my homework didn't take any effort at all, but that can be even "less fun" at times. Nor do I appreciate work that is always over my head. Rather, between the grammar and the chemistry, the homework has mostly been a puzzle that a little bit of time (and a few questions of more experienced friends) can work out. It's bordering on "fun"...
So. Life is good. Even with Chem101 and Grammar. :)
Betsy
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