whoa, whoa, whoa.

 

God is doing really big things in my life. Actually, no. God is really big in my life. He's huge. And He wants me to be like Him.

Earlier today I was thinking about the distinctions between "living with good intentions" and "living intentionally" because I think there really is a difference. Think about the people you know who live with "good intentions"-- Christian or non. They might live up to some of those things, but isn't there something of a sense that something's missing, that it's not quite all together? Maybe it's the fact that "good intentions" can be used as an excuse for failure. If you miss the mark, well, at least you shot the arrow.

But then, what about "living intentionally"? How could this be different? Living intentionally means knowing that our lives have purpose here on Earth because of His grace, and that we are created uniquely by our Father. It then means being a follower of Christ, head over heels crazy for Him, and knowing that when things are done intentionally there is more room for critical thinking, discipline and reflection. If you live your life intentionally, you're aware of what's going on. You can see where you've been, and how that shapes where you're going. Even when there are errors, there is room for forgiveness and reconciliation-- no excuses this time. Unlike "good intentions," living intentionally doesn't excuse mistakes. It learns from them.

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I've been dreaming again. Yeah, watch out ;) God has taught me through my dreaming, and He definitely works through my dreams. I'm dreaming about life after college this time. Somehow I doubt that I'll be working as a teacher in a West Michigan school the fall after I graduate...(haha, those who know me and know me well might agree that this seems a little... too normal!) more likely I'll join the Peace Corp, work as a recruiter for ACMNP or Reign, move to Scotland or other means of travel--who knows, maybe I'll be doing all of those things. I'd really love to do Peak Performance and travel to Nepal (or elsewhere) and climb mountains while serving Jesus. Cool!!! I live a high-intensity life-- but all of these things I've been a part of and done are the results of dreams. I don't leave it at goals, I accomplish them, God willing.

"What If?" <<--story of my life :)

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But. As I realize that my life is going to be geared around ministry-- and the funny thing is, I feel like I've known this all along, but it's as though I've been allowed to see the backstage crew working, rather than just trying to figure out the plot of my life going on at the stage-- it's growing evident that I'm going to run into a major issue: Finances.

While it doesn't daunt me too much (but this is me saying that while there's a bit of money in the bank--not much, an will disappear after I start paying tuition at Calvin again) I'm realizing the need to be intentional about my relationships with people, and to build a rapport with those who are willing to invest in my life and my goals. Scholarship apps are one thing, but gaining support as a budding missionary will be another.

Gasp. "Missionary." But yeah, that's what I'm going to be. That's what I'm already becoming.

It does make it difficult, though, in some cases, because though I know exactly what I'd like to do, I have no idea which form those goals will take. Ie: I can apply for a missions scholarship, but because my plans are so complex, it might or might not satisfy criteria! Ack!

I think this is where it would be helpful, in the next year or so, to reconnect with some of my past mentors and to talk with people who have been in similar situations. Many people who are regular staff with Reign Ministries have to ask people for money all the time and can give me some hints about where to start and when an appropriate time to get started with that is. Not to mention that the wonderful thing about the Internet is that it makes everything more easily accessible for everyone. :)

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One more note, though, before I continue the chore of packing. (You'd think I'd be great at this by now, considering all the times I've made significant moves in the last year!)

I mentioned two things earlier, that have so much to do with each other: the first was that I feel like I've known all along that I was going into the mission field in some form or other, and the second was that I'm already becoming a missionary. The third thing to add here is just a tribute to my Dad. I am comforted by the fact that he would be so proud of me--no doubt. His death (in Oct 2004) left me an inheritance--taking up the cross and to continue to follow Him while serving in direct ministries. I am part of a legacy. I am drawn into the family business ;) I am just grateful for the solid foundation and examples that my dad left for me. Sometimes I feel as though, with his death, some of my Dad's heart was transplanted into my own, that his spiritual gifts were passed on to me-- or perhaps I'm just discovering what I've had all along, or have been given recently that just happen to mirror who my Dad was. It's a mystery... and a mystery I'm happy to let alone, though it's certainly something to take to heart. (nooooo pun intended. hehe.)

With love, grace and peace,
♥ Betsy Joy



PS. It may sound like I speak as though I am invincible, as though I will live forever. But I know very well that life is short, and so I plan to make the most of it. Please don't take my words as arrogant or proud, because it's just my sense of adventure bursting forth out of my joy for what the Lord has given me.

It's possible that I would never see Michigan again, that my plane could crash somewhere over the Atlantic tomorrow morning, but the Lord is good, and His love endures forever. There is no need for fear. After all-- Jesus says in Matthew 10:28 "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."


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