conflict of emotions

I wish that, now that I'm introduced as KH's new Barnabas, I could say that I'm beside myself with excitement. But I woke up with a weird(?) feeling this morning, and I hadn't been able to put my finger on it. I just felt... blah. wearied. out of it.

At first I was really confused, partly because I want to feel really excited about this (and I believe that somewhere in my heart, I truly am) and I've just mostly been overwhelmed. Naturally, I know. But when I got up from lunch with tears in my eyes, I knew that this was a bigger deal than I was accepting.


So, I'll admit it. I'm stressed. I'm feeling sad because I'm going to miss RVD. Being a Barnabas in KH is intimidating.

I've always been able to detach easily, but it's not always something I want to do. I thrive on change, new adventures, challenges. Living in KH next year is going to be amazing. Being a leader there will be a big change, an adventure, and a challenge. I really can't wait to get started. But after visiting, I got back to RVD at about 11:30 and walking into the lobby I instantly felt a huge relief. It was where a concept of "home" has been for me, and the familiarity soothed me right away. Yep. I'm definitely going to miss it. But I'm also looking forward to the day that I move into 301 Kals and make that dorm my home.


Thanks for listening.
Betsy