And God said....

"You'll be okay."


I have been amazed by the emails and comments from that last post. It seems everyone has found their way to it and, unbelievably, can relate somehow. I've been really blessed by that. God has used it to prompt me to rethink some things, and it has also given me courage to keep trying. If I don't have the strength, others will be strong for me.

So, thank you for that. :)

As hard as the last post was to write, it was also brutally honest (as you noticed, obviously) and it was a kind of purging. Once I had written that post and gone to bed, the next morning I felt better, changed even. It's a lot like how I used to write poems about dealing with my dad's cancer. I hated writing the poems, because they were "too honest" and showed things about life that I didn't really want to acknowledge, but once I had released that anger onto paper I didn't have to feel it in my heart. So yes. That last post was like that. I was tempted to remove it, but as I re-read it, the truth was still there, whether or not it was eating away at me or not.

I mentioned in the last post that it was hard to think about anything else. Well, the next morning, I was able to start thinking about other things-- about Jubilee Fellows (church ministry internship for next summer, the class starts in less than 2 weeks!) and about how much I respect my dad for his efforts at Ebenezer. I've been able to talk to some people (like my lovely and wise mentor Heidi!) about where I'm at and also where I want to be. I've met some people and re-established some other friendships, which I should focus on some more.

I can't believe I have less than two years before I graduate (Dec 09!) and that one of those semesters will be student teaching. Time flies. I'm maturing in ways I'd never imagined, and I can't believe that I'm nearly 20.5 years old (Feb 7!) and that life is already happening. Talking to my mom today, we lamented how we wish my dad were here to see Zach preach and me do the internship this summer and all the rest--I know he'd be proud of us all, my mom included-- but at the same time, it's so good that we're in the here-and-now, that my mom IS married to Jessey, and that the triplets are in our lives and so much more--such blessings!

And so, taking the advice of all my family and friends, I take a step forward. It might be a half a step, or a baby step, but at least it's a step forward. And I smile. I haven't completely lost joy--after all, it'll always be my middle name ;)

Thanks again, for all your encouragement and support.

Betsy