Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him, all creatures here below!
Praise Him above, ye Heavenly hosts!
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!
Amen!
♥
So many reasons to be thankful.
I am so blessed by my friendships. i have been given far more than my share of true friends, and for that, i can't even begin to describe the joy i feel when i realize that.
The heartbreaking thing, though, is that no matter where i go in the world, i leave a friend behind. and yet, for the first time this past summer, i began to realize how wonderful indeed Heaven is going to be. I will see all of my friends there from all over the world--and that is SUCH a comfort for someone like me who has a lot of familiar faces to look forward to seeing there! there are people, who I would consider dear friends, whom I will not see again in this lifetime. It's sad. But again, I have the comfort that in Christ Jesus, there are no goodbyes.
It's particularly hard tonight, as I was showing Jenny movie clips and photos of my freshman year at Calvin, as well as the sweet clips that Debbi has sent me in the last few days of her telling me she loves me and misses me. (Jenny could understand why it was that I missed Debbi so much!) And the irony of it all is that I'm going to be back at Calvin showing movie clips and pictures of Jenny and telling my friends there what an awesome flatmate I had when I was in Scotland; and indeed, I will miss Jenny so much. I love her like she was my sister!
So many Goodbyes for such a short lifetime. Heaven will be an endless Hello.
Welfare Ideology on Tuesday got me thinking about last summer in Yellowstone. I miss it more than I thought I would. I miss Montana. I miss Dan Tyers and his long thoughtful pauses before he spoke his wisdom. I miss the sheer exhaustion and sheer happiness of a sucessful hike. I miss the view from the top. Most of all, I miss the worship on Sunday mornings in the amphitheater. Those will be some of my favorite moments in worship I may have all my life; there's nothing like singing the old hymns on a beautiful day in a national park. I remember the amazing rainbow, too. And I remember... I remember what it was like to speak and be heard, to be respected and appreciated for my message. That hasn't left me, either. I can't forget about the gifts I discovered, the things about myself I would have never known (perhaps, or at the least not know about now) otherwise. Yellowstone was an unexpected encounter with Grace that I didn't anticipate-- but I'm glad it happened. I didn't realize it would change me--or stay with me--as it has. That's a comfort, too.
I'm going to miss Scotland. Jenny and I have agreed that it is a "freeing place"... we've both found ourselves again here. And I haven't even been to the Highlands... YET!
I need to focus on my paper. I'm somewhat motivated to get up early, churn it out on a whim, shower-get groceries-do laundry, and then come back to it and start editing. We'll see how that goes. I'd rather get it done by Saturday night so I can return the books on the way to (or home from) Church on Sunday, when they're due. Lord Jesus, give me the inner strength I need!!! (Please!)
♥
love,
betsy joy
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
From "The Spirit of the Disciplines" by Dallas Willard
...the activities constituting the disciplines have no value in themselves. the aim and substance of spiritual life is not fasting, prayer, hymn singing, frugal living, and so forth. rather, it is the effective and ful enjoyment of active love of God and humankind in all the daily rounds of normal existence where we are placed. the spiritually advanced person is not the one who engages in lots and lots of disciplines, any more than the good child is the one who receives lots and lots of instruction or punishment.
people who think that they are spiritually superior because they make a practice of a discipline such as fasting or silence or frugality are entirely missing the point. the need for extensive practice of a given discpline is an indication of our weakness, not our strength. we can even lay it down as a rule of thumb that if it is easy for us to engage in a certain discipline, we probably don't need to practice it. the disciplines we need to practice are precisely the ones we are not 'good at' and hence do not enjoy.
baseball player pete rose, when asked to explain his phenomenal success as an athlete, said: 'i practice what not good at. most folks practice what they're good at.' the same is true for our success in spiritual living.
anyone who looks squarely at Jesus' manner of life must see that it was one of great rigour and discipline, but it was one clearly fitting the pattern of sensible asceticism as described earlier. the same is true of Christ's followers, both during his life and after his death...
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
well, ok. these are the discplines that the book the spiritual disciplines handbook addresses:
Part 1: Worship
Celebration, Gratitude, Holy Communion, Rule for Life, Sabbath, Worship
Part 2: Open Myself to God
Contemplation, Examen, Journaling, Practicing the Presence, Rest, Retreat, Self-Care, Simplicity, Slowing, Teachability, Unplugging
Part 3: Relinquish the False Self
Confession and Self-Examination, Detachment, Discernment, Secrecy, Silence, Solitude, Spiritual Direction, Submission
Part 4: Share My Life with Others
Accountability Partner, Chastity, Community, Covenant Group, Discipling, Hospitality, Mentoring, Service, Small Group, Spiritual Friendship, Unity, Witness
Part 5: Hear God's Word
Bible Study, Devotional Reading, Meditation, Memorization
Part 6: Incarnate the Love of Christ
Care of the Earth, Compassion, Control of the Tongue, Humility, Justice, Stewardship, Truth Telling
Part 7: Pray
Breath Prayer, Centering Prayer, Contemplative Prayer, Conversational Prayer, Fasting, Fixed-Hour Prayer, Inner-Healing Prayer, Intercessory Prayer, Labyrinth Prayer, Liturgical Prayer, Prayer Partners, Praying Scripture, Prayer of Recollection, Prayer Walking
Just looking over a few of those sections makes me realize how much work I have to become fully mature in my faith. (Ironic, how God calls us to be mature and yet like a child.) Again, as I've mentioned before (I think), the discpline of silence and the discipline of solitude are the ones i struggle with right now that I want to integrate into my life as an "unconcious habit." I feel that developing these will help me be much more sensitive and perceptive to God's moving in my life and in others.
hm. well, it's late, and i've got class at 10am.
♥ betsy joy
...the activities constituting the disciplines have no value in themselves. the aim and substance of spiritual life is not fasting, prayer, hymn singing, frugal living, and so forth. rather, it is the effective and ful enjoyment of active love of God and humankind in all the daily rounds of normal existence where we are placed. the spiritually advanced person is not the one who engages in lots and lots of disciplines, any more than the good child is the one who receives lots and lots of instruction or punishment.
people who think that they are spiritually superior because they make a practice of a discipline such as fasting or silence or frugality are entirely missing the point. the need for extensive practice of a given discpline is an indication of our weakness, not our strength. we can even lay it down as a rule of thumb that if it is easy for us to engage in a certain discipline, we probably don't need to practice it. the disciplines we need to practice are precisely the ones we are not 'good at' and hence do not enjoy.
baseball player pete rose, when asked to explain his phenomenal success as an athlete, said: 'i practice what not good at. most folks practice what they're good at.' the same is true for our success in spiritual living.
anyone who looks squarely at Jesus' manner of life must see that it was one of great rigour and discipline, but it was one clearly fitting the pattern of sensible asceticism as described earlier. the same is true of Christ's followers, both during his life and after his death...
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
well, ok. these are the discplines that the book the spiritual disciplines handbook addresses:
Part 1: Worship
Celebration, Gratitude, Holy Communion, Rule for Life, Sabbath, Worship
Part 2: Open Myself to God
Contemplation, Examen, Journaling, Practicing the Presence, Rest, Retreat, Self-Care, Simplicity, Slowing, Teachability, Unplugging
Part 3: Relinquish the False Self
Confession and Self-Examination, Detachment, Discernment, Secrecy, Silence, Solitude, Spiritual Direction, Submission
Part 4: Share My Life with Others
Accountability Partner, Chastity, Community, Covenant Group, Discipling, Hospitality, Mentoring, Service, Small Group, Spiritual Friendship, Unity, Witness
Part 5: Hear God's Word
Bible Study, Devotional Reading, Meditation, Memorization
Part 6: Incarnate the Love of Christ
Care of the Earth, Compassion, Control of the Tongue, Humility, Justice, Stewardship, Truth Telling
Part 7: Pray
Breath Prayer, Centering Prayer, Contemplative Prayer, Conversational Prayer, Fasting, Fixed-Hour Prayer, Inner-Healing Prayer, Intercessory Prayer, Labyrinth Prayer, Liturgical Prayer, Prayer Partners, Praying Scripture, Prayer of Recollection, Prayer Walking
Just looking over a few of those sections makes me realize how much work I have to become fully mature in my faith. (Ironic, how God calls us to be mature and yet like a child.) Again, as I've mentioned before (I think), the discpline of silence and the discipline of solitude are the ones i struggle with right now that I want to integrate into my life as an "unconcious habit." I feel that developing these will help me be much more sensitive and perceptive to God's moving in my life and in others.
hm. well, it's late, and i've got class at 10am.
♥ betsy joy
a significant revelation
Well.
I love Sundays, and I love the Glasgow West End Vineyard Church. (However, I do NOT love this keyboard I'm using at the library!) Today's message was such a blessing. It affirmed and confirmed some of the things I'd been contemplating lately.
The message, was essentially, Christ saying "what's it to you?" when we get caught up in comparing ourselves and not being okay with our own identity. Wow. This hit me like an opening door.
I learned that these were bad questions to ask:
"Why can't I be like...?"
"Maybe if I did this or had that...?"
"What about him...?"
Jamie Watters first examined John chapter 20, in which John and Peter have just discovered the empty tomb. Jamie pointed out that there seemed to be a petty rivalry going on in John 20, between the "disciple whom Jesus loved" and the "...who ran faster, got there first" and it comes out pretty clearly after John 21, where Jesus has a chat with Peter about feeding lambs and taking care of the Church. As they leave, Peter asks "what about him," referring to John. Jesus says "...what is that to you?" Essentially teaching us that our destinies are a matter between ourselves and Christ, and it doesn't matter how someone else will be used for the Kingdom.
Other passages were Genesis 27:18, 19 and 24, in which we meet Jacob and he's impersonating his elder brother, Esau. Later, when he wrestles with God, he is able to say that YES! "My name is Jacob." He's finally comfortable in his skin. He's finally ready to step up to the plate and be one of the famous three: "Abraham, Isaac... and Jacob"
Another example is that of 1st Samuel 8:4, where the Israelites ask for a king "like the other nations." God is heartbroken that they want a king, because it means they have rejected Him as King.
Job 5:2 says that resentment kills and envy slays the simple [evil]. That's pretty self-explanatory.
Finally, the last passage is one of the 10 commandments: You shall not covet. This is one of the internal commandments, because no one really knows whether or not you've broken it. Jamie explained that this is so important to bear in mind, because when you have found your place in God, you wouldn't WANT to have anything or be anyone else.
While this is humbling, this is also incredibly encouraging. It affirms the believers that God loves them for exactly who they are, and wants to use them for exactly who they are. Indeed, growth and maturity must happen, but in one's OWN context, not being compared to everyone else!
It was an example of a question we might ask ourselves that Jamie threw out there that really made me realize that this message had everything to do with me.
"Why should I go into leadership? Others are better than me!"
This has been my foolish question over the last few weeks. I've already mentioned that I've been feeling compelled to go into leadership and ministry in some way next year. Yet, I've been kind of skeptical, cautious, afraid of what I might be getting into. I've looked at other people who have done Barnabas in the past, and compared to them I feel small, insignificant, immature, and entirely unprepared to take on that kind of role. What a fool I've been! Have I forgotten the witty but very true expression that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called"?
After the service I asked for prayer. The woman who prayed with me was very affirming. (I wish I had that prayer written down to remind me of the love of God in my life!) She thanked God for who I was, for this inheritance (there's that word again!) and the blessings in my life. She asked for direction and leading and everything else essential to this journey. It was wonderful to be affirmed like that. I was encouraged.
But even now I'm feeling rather doubtful, even though I think I'm pretty sure I know what I'll be applying for come February. We'll see what God has in store. I'm just trusting him, now.
Oy! Strength and encouragement, maturity and growth! Humility and wisdom.... Just a few things I need and long for.
in His grip,
Betsy
I love Sundays, and I love the Glasgow West End Vineyard Church. (However, I do NOT love this keyboard I'm using at the library!) Today's message was such a blessing. It affirmed and confirmed some of the things I'd been contemplating lately.
The message, was essentially, Christ saying "what's it to you?" when we get caught up in comparing ourselves and not being okay with our own identity. Wow. This hit me like an opening door.
I learned that these were bad questions to ask:
"Why can't I be like...?"
"Maybe if I did this or had that...?"
"What about him...?"
Jamie Watters first examined John chapter 20, in which John and Peter have just discovered the empty tomb. Jamie pointed out that there seemed to be a petty rivalry going on in John 20, between the "disciple whom Jesus loved" and the "...who ran faster, got there first" and it comes out pretty clearly after John 21, where Jesus has a chat with Peter about feeding lambs and taking care of the Church. As they leave, Peter asks "what about him," referring to John. Jesus says "...what is that to you?" Essentially teaching us that our destinies are a matter between ourselves and Christ, and it doesn't matter how someone else will be used for the Kingdom.
Other passages were Genesis 27:18, 19 and 24, in which we meet Jacob and he's impersonating his elder brother, Esau. Later, when he wrestles with God, he is able to say that YES! "My name is Jacob." He's finally comfortable in his skin. He's finally ready to step up to the plate and be one of the famous three: "Abraham, Isaac... and Jacob"
Another example is that of 1st Samuel 8:4, where the Israelites ask for a king "like the other nations." God is heartbroken that they want a king, because it means they have rejected Him as King.
Job 5:2 says that resentment kills and envy slays the simple [evil]. That's pretty self-explanatory.
Finally, the last passage is one of the 10 commandments: You shall not covet. This is one of the internal commandments, because no one really knows whether or not you've broken it. Jamie explained that this is so important to bear in mind, because when you have found your place in God, you wouldn't WANT to have anything or be anyone else.
While this is humbling, this is also incredibly encouraging. It affirms the believers that God loves them for exactly who they are, and wants to use them for exactly who they are. Indeed, growth and maturity must happen, but in one's OWN context, not being compared to everyone else!
It was an example of a question we might ask ourselves that Jamie threw out there that really made me realize that this message had everything to do with me.
"Why should I go into leadership? Others are better than me!"
This has been my foolish question over the last few weeks. I've already mentioned that I've been feeling compelled to go into leadership and ministry in some way next year. Yet, I've been kind of skeptical, cautious, afraid of what I might be getting into. I've looked at other people who have done Barnabas in the past, and compared to them I feel small, insignificant, immature, and entirely unprepared to take on that kind of role. What a fool I've been! Have I forgotten the witty but very true expression that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called"?
After the service I asked for prayer. The woman who prayed with me was very affirming. (I wish I had that prayer written down to remind me of the love of God in my life!) She thanked God for who I was, for this inheritance (there's that word again!) and the blessings in my life. She asked for direction and leading and everything else essential to this journey. It was wonderful to be affirmed like that. I was encouraged.
But even now I'm feeling rather doubtful, even though I think I'm pretty sure I know what I'll be applying for come February. We'll see what God has in store. I'm just trusting him, now.
Oy! Strength and encouragement, maturity and growth! Humility and wisdom.... Just a few things I need and long for.
in His grip,
Betsy
Saturday, November 25, 2006
vocation
some thoughts on vocation.
First, Frederick Buechner:
"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet"
Now, for some Thomas Merton. These quotes can all be found in the book No Man is an Island (which I would highly recommend) on pages 131--163, "Vocation."
For each of us, there is only one thing necessary: to fufull our own destiny, according to God's will, to be what God wants us to be.
...
In any case, our destiny is the work of two wills, not one. It is not an immutable fate, forced upon us without any choice of our own, by a divinity without heart.
...
In planning the course of our lives, we must remember the importance and the dignity of our own freedom. A man who fears to settle his future by a good act of his own free choice does not understand the love of God. For our freedom is a gift God has given us in order that He may be able to love us more perfectly, and be loved by us more perfectly in return. (underlining mine)
...
Perfectly confident of being loved by God, the soul that loves Him dares to make a choice of its own, knowing that its own choice will be acceptable to love.
And at the same time, pure love is prudent. It is enlightened with a clear-sighted discretion. Trained in freedom, it knows how to avoid the selfishness that frustrates its action. It sees obstacles and avoids or overcomes them. It is keenly sensitive to the smallest signs of God's will and good pleasure in the circumstances of its own life, and its freedom is conditioned by the knowledge of all of these. Therefore, in choosing what will please God, it takes account all of the slightest indications of His will. Yet if we add all these indeications together, they seldom suffice to give us absolute certaintude that God wills one thing to the exclusion of every other. He Who loves us means by this to leave us room for our own freedom, so that we may dare to choose for ourselves, with no other certainty than that His love will be pleased by our intention to please Him.
...
Every man has a vocation to be someone: but he must understand clearly that in order to fulfill this vocation he can only be one person: himself.
...
It remains for us to take up courageously and without hesitation the work He has given us, which is the task of living our own life as Christ would live it in us.
...
Our individual vocation is our opportunity to find that one place in which we can most perfectly receive the benefits of divine mercy, and know God's love for us, and reply to His love with our whole being.
...
We know when we are following our vocation when our soul is set free from preoccupation with itself and is able to seek God and even to find Him, even though it may not appear to find Him. Gratitude and confidence and freedom from ourselves: these are signs that we have found our vocation and are living up to it even though everything else may seem to have gone wrong. They give us peace in any suffering. They teach us to laugh at despair. And we may have to.
...
We would be better to able to understand the beauty of the religious vocation if we remembered that marriage too is a vocation.
...
All vocations are intended by God to manifest His love in the world. For each special calling gives a man some particular place in the Mystery of Christ, gives him something to do for the salvation of all mankind. The difference between the various vocations lies in the different ways in which one enables men to discover God's love, appreciate it, respond to it, and share it with other men. Each vocation has for its aim the propagation of divine life in the world.
...
The one thing that really decides a vocation is the ability to make a firm decision to embrace a certain state of life and to act on that decision.
If a person can never make up his mind, never firmly resolve to do what is demanded in order to follow a vocation, one can say that in all probability he has not received the vocation. The vocation may have been offered him: but that is something no one can decide with certainty. Whether or not he is resisting grace, the fact seems to be that he is "not called." But a calm and definite decision that is not deterred by obstacles and not broken by opposition is a good sign that God has given His grace to answer His call, and that he has corresponded to it.
...
He must decide himself, since his own decision is the expression of his vocation. If he then applies for admission to a seminary or monastary, and if his application is accepted, he can say that he probably "has a vocation."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just wanted to share those quotes with you, and I hope that you have some time to read them carefully and take them to heart, as I have learned to.
If you know me at all, you know that I have a strong sense of vocation in my life. I know where it is that I am compelled and what it is that I love to do. It wasn't always that way; for a long time growing up I struggled with "not having a vocation" in the sense that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life!
But things changed, even though it started small. Believe it or not, it was simply a school trip to the East Coast that taught me what my inner voice sounded like. I longed to go on this particular weeklong trip, and doubted my folks would say yes. But they did! And the money and everything worked out just fine.
It happened again, when I wanted to go on Royal Servants. There again was that deep longing in my heart to go, to see something of the world and serve like that, and again I doubted it was possible-- This time especially since it was very expensive and my dad's health was progressively worse. BUT I went! Everything came together, and God blessed me immensely.
I've seen it happen again and again, since, from things that have happened at Calvin College (like getting on the Dean's List!), with my relationship with my ex, to most recently my semester abroad. All of these things might be deemed impossible from any worldly standards, but I've learned first hand that the genuine desires in my heart are put there by God, and that it is only by His outstanding and incredible GRACE that I can achieve these things!!
That's why, when there are so many decisions in front of me (such as for next year) I don't focus on "what God wants me to do"... He knows my heart and all of these opportunities are good and healthy, and I would grow and develop leadership skills in every single one of them. Rather, I look inside of my heart, and I think critically about what would be most appropriate, what I would enjoy but be challenged by, and even consider practically about what would fit into my schedule and so on. God fills in the gaps once I've made the decision and trusted Him with the rest.
And--if I should have been mistaken, or He's about to teach me something--there's always the chance that my application wouldn't go through or that it didn't work out. But do you know what I know this means? There's better in store!
It breaks my heart when people are afraid to chase after the things they love through their vocations. It hurts me to see them limiting themselves when God's resources are infinitely available to help them do whatever they dream. Please, oh please, dare to choose for yourself, whithin the freedom and grace that God gives so generously!
Love,
Betsy Joy
First, Frederick Buechner:
"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet"
Now, for some Thomas Merton. These quotes can all be found in the book No Man is an Island (which I would highly recommend) on pages 131--163, "Vocation."
For each of us, there is only one thing necessary: to fufull our own destiny, according to God's will, to be what God wants us to be.
...
In any case, our destiny is the work of two wills, not one. It is not an immutable fate, forced upon us without any choice of our own, by a divinity without heart.
...
In planning the course of our lives, we must remember the importance and the dignity of our own freedom. A man who fears to settle his future by a good act of his own free choice does not understand the love of God. For our freedom is a gift God has given us in order that He may be able to love us more perfectly, and be loved by us more perfectly in return. (underlining mine)
...
Perfectly confident of being loved by God, the soul that loves Him dares to make a choice of its own, knowing that its own choice will be acceptable to love.
And at the same time, pure love is prudent. It is enlightened with a clear-sighted discretion. Trained in freedom, it knows how to avoid the selfishness that frustrates its action. It sees obstacles and avoids or overcomes them. It is keenly sensitive to the smallest signs of God's will and good pleasure in the circumstances of its own life, and its freedom is conditioned by the knowledge of all of these. Therefore, in choosing what will please God, it takes account all of the slightest indications of His will. Yet if we add all these indeications together, they seldom suffice to give us absolute certaintude that God wills one thing to the exclusion of every other. He Who loves us means by this to leave us room for our own freedom, so that we may dare to choose for ourselves, with no other certainty than that His love will be pleased by our intention to please Him.
...
Every man has a vocation to be someone: but he must understand clearly that in order to fulfill this vocation he can only be one person: himself.
...
It remains for us to take up courageously and without hesitation the work He has given us, which is the task of living our own life as Christ would live it in us.
...
Our individual vocation is our opportunity to find that one place in which we can most perfectly receive the benefits of divine mercy, and know God's love for us, and reply to His love with our whole being.
...
We know when we are following our vocation when our soul is set free from preoccupation with itself and is able to seek God and even to find Him, even though it may not appear to find Him. Gratitude and confidence and freedom from ourselves: these are signs that we have found our vocation and are living up to it even though everything else may seem to have gone wrong. They give us peace in any suffering. They teach us to laugh at despair. And we may have to.
...
We would be better to able to understand the beauty of the religious vocation if we remembered that marriage too is a vocation.
...
All vocations are intended by God to manifest His love in the world. For each special calling gives a man some particular place in the Mystery of Christ, gives him something to do for the salvation of all mankind. The difference between the various vocations lies in the different ways in which one enables men to discover God's love, appreciate it, respond to it, and share it with other men. Each vocation has for its aim the propagation of divine life in the world.
...
The one thing that really decides a vocation is the ability to make a firm decision to embrace a certain state of life and to act on that decision.
If a person can never make up his mind, never firmly resolve to do what is demanded in order to follow a vocation, one can say that in all probability he has not received the vocation. The vocation may have been offered him: but that is something no one can decide with certainty. Whether or not he is resisting grace, the fact seems to be that he is "not called." But a calm and definite decision that is not deterred by obstacles and not broken by opposition is a good sign that God has given His grace to answer His call, and that he has corresponded to it.
...
He must decide himself, since his own decision is the expression of his vocation. If he then applies for admission to a seminary or monastary, and if his application is accepted, he can say that he probably "has a vocation."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just wanted to share those quotes with you, and I hope that you have some time to read them carefully and take them to heart, as I have learned to.
If you know me at all, you know that I have a strong sense of vocation in my life. I know where it is that I am compelled and what it is that I love to do. It wasn't always that way; for a long time growing up I struggled with "not having a vocation" in the sense that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life!
But things changed, even though it started small. Believe it or not, it was simply a school trip to the East Coast that taught me what my inner voice sounded like. I longed to go on this particular weeklong trip, and doubted my folks would say yes. But they did! And the money and everything worked out just fine.
It happened again, when I wanted to go on Royal Servants. There again was that deep longing in my heart to go, to see something of the world and serve like that, and again I doubted it was possible-- This time especially since it was very expensive and my dad's health was progressively worse. BUT I went! Everything came together, and God blessed me immensely.
I've seen it happen again and again, since, from things that have happened at Calvin College (like getting on the Dean's List!), with my relationship with my ex, to most recently my semester abroad. All of these things might be deemed impossible from any worldly standards, but I've learned first hand that the genuine desires in my heart are put there by God, and that it is only by His outstanding and incredible GRACE that I can achieve these things!!
That's why, when there are so many decisions in front of me (such as for next year) I don't focus on "what God wants me to do"... He knows my heart and all of these opportunities are good and healthy, and I would grow and develop leadership skills in every single one of them. Rather, I look inside of my heart, and I think critically about what would be most appropriate, what I would enjoy but be challenged by, and even consider practically about what would fit into my schedule and so on. God fills in the gaps once I've made the decision and trusted Him with the rest.
And--if I should have been mistaken, or He's about to teach me something--there's always the chance that my application wouldn't go through or that it didn't work out. But do you know what I know this means? There's better in store!
It breaks my heart when people are afraid to chase after the things they love through their vocations. It hurts me to see them limiting themselves when God's resources are infinitely available to help them do whatever they dream. Please, oh please, dare to choose for yourself, whithin the freedom and grace that God gives so generously!
Love,
Betsy Joy
Friday, November 24, 2006
a new season
tonight i remembered this xanga. i remembered that it was someplace else to go, somewhere else i could write unhindered. or at least, from the majority. and that if people did find me and begin to subscribe, it would be a different kind of journal. hm.
the last entry said i'd been dating jordan for 4 months. i didn't realize it had been that long since i came here... two and a half years later, i've been broken up with him for about 4 months. ironic.
i've been doing a lot of thinking, obviously, about my future. i've definitely felt more defined and more compelled towards whatever it is that i end up doing than i ever have felt before. in other words, i have no idea what God is doing here, but whatever it is, i keep discovering new and exciting things! :)
i want to develop spiritual leadership and spiritual discipline. the latter preferably before the former, but i can't help suspect that perhaps the leadership enhances and perpetuates the discpline. we'll see.
in "real life", this is the decision to apply for barnabas this year or the next vs. doing project neighborhood this year or the next. those are the biggies at the moment, but i'm looking into them both pretty equally. one day i'll feel more inclined to one over the other, and then the next day will be opposite! and who knows, there's the real possibilty that neither will happen, though i hope that's not the way it ends up. i want to serve the grand rapids community in a very real way, whether that's on campus or in the deprived areas.
i'm getting to be a little bit of volunteer freak. which, i think, is along the lines of a jesus freak. yeah! i'm a servant freak for jesus. (that works, i think?) i am anything but humble or mature about this, but it's a passion developing in my heart and i'm anxious to be able to excersise it. it's such a beautiful thing to be in contact with people different than i, and to be able to see and respect them for they are.
i just thought about how my mom had referred to people to smoke the other week when she was here visiting, and i called her on it. i told her that i knew people who smoked and that it's actually something they call addiction and yeah, everybody knows smoking kills, but some have an awful time with it. then she asked me if i smoked, and i said NO! that's not the point here! hmph. yeah, so yellowstone and glasgow have definitely put me into contact with smokers like i haven't before, and i've tried hard not to look down on them for it. this is pretty much applicable to anyone, with any situation, whether disabled, young, old, spiritual or not.
another good thing that has come from this season of change: i've learned to live off of less. this is entirely refreshing. while i like little "knicknacks" to make me smile or remember a good memory, and though i love having bright posters up and my own photography, it's not important. everything i own here in Scotland can be fit easily into two large duffle bags, each under 50 pounds. it's my goal, upon my return to my room in Holland, to start shifting through things again and clear out what i don't need anymore. there's quite a bit of clothing, junk, and other stuff that can be thrown away or donated. i just tell myself that if i really want to travel a lot in life, it doesn't make sense for me to have a houseful of junk that i only see a few times a year, if ever.
hm.
today i was reflecting on RS as i was going through the facebook group "you know you've been on a RS trip when..." and saw the line "you're told not to ask future questions" meaning, you don't ask what happens next. wow. that's hardly what i can say about my life now-- it seems to be the "what if" question that takes tops. which, in part, is a good thing, but seeing the 'future question' thing really reminded me to take it sloooooow and stay focused on the present.
however, the present isn't all that busy right now, so i have a lot of time to think about next spring semester and psych myself up for what's coming. the only things i have to do before i fly back to the States on Dec 17 is one more Scot Lit paper, hand in my journal for Welfare Ideology, and.... pack. Well, i have one more class for WI and a bunch more seminars and lectures for Scot Lit, but there isn't a whole lot of obligation tied up with those. I'll still be volunteering twice a week in Drumchapel (again, because I have nothing else to do) so that'll be good.
But yeah, i've been thinking about Barnabas because i've really admired the ones our dorm has had in the past. my mom has also been putting some pressure on me to take up a dorm leadership role because of the stipend. at first i thought this mean being an RA until i realized that Barnabas team members also get that stipend, and it sounds a whole lot more appealing in general.
My fear and intimidation is that I'm not nearly as sprititually disciplined or mature enough for a role like that, even though i could probably manage just fine. That's why i'm tempted to put off applying for a barnabas role until my senior year.... and go with project neighborhood instead for next year.
Project neighborhood is a program that is intentionally christian and upbuilding. I'd live in a house with a family ("mentor") in an area of Grand Rapids that needs good examples of community. I'd be involved with their 'projects' and also commit to being involved at "home" with cooking and things like that. it sounds wonderful and a neat opportunity. However, that isn't a stipend kind of position-- it's still $150 a month for room and board.
It's also difficult because i KNOW i should get a "real job"... but i really don't feel like it. I don't know how I can balance all of that as well. to me, volunteering is more important than income... but my college education pretty much trumps every other opportunity. hm. that only means that i need to apply for LOTS of scholarships this coming january!
and, of course, to pray about it and discuss these opportunities with my mentor. I love heidi-- it will be wonderful to have her companionship next semester. woooo!
alright, well, i feel better about having written here.
hm.
betsy
the last entry said i'd been dating jordan for 4 months. i didn't realize it had been that long since i came here... two and a half years later, i've been broken up with him for about 4 months. ironic.
i've been doing a lot of thinking, obviously, about my future. i've definitely felt more defined and more compelled towards whatever it is that i end up doing than i ever have felt before. in other words, i have no idea what God is doing here, but whatever it is, i keep discovering new and exciting things! :)
i want to develop spiritual leadership and spiritual discipline. the latter preferably before the former, but i can't help suspect that perhaps the leadership enhances and perpetuates the discpline. we'll see.
in "real life", this is the decision to apply for barnabas this year or the next vs. doing project neighborhood this year or the next. those are the biggies at the moment, but i'm looking into them both pretty equally. one day i'll feel more inclined to one over the other, and then the next day will be opposite! and who knows, there's the real possibilty that neither will happen, though i hope that's not the way it ends up. i want to serve the grand rapids community in a very real way, whether that's on campus or in the deprived areas.
i'm getting to be a little bit of volunteer freak. which, i think, is along the lines of a jesus freak. yeah! i'm a servant freak for jesus. (that works, i think?) i am anything but humble or mature about this, but it's a passion developing in my heart and i'm anxious to be able to excersise it. it's such a beautiful thing to be in contact with people different than i, and to be able to see and respect them for they are.
i just thought about how my mom had referred to people to smoke the other week when she was here visiting, and i called her on it. i told her that i knew people who smoked and that it's actually something they call addiction and yeah, everybody knows smoking kills, but some have an awful time with it. then she asked me if i smoked, and i said NO! that's not the point here! hmph. yeah, so yellowstone and glasgow have definitely put me into contact with smokers like i haven't before, and i've tried hard not to look down on them for it. this is pretty much applicable to anyone, with any situation, whether disabled, young, old, spiritual or not.
another good thing that has come from this season of change: i've learned to live off of less. this is entirely refreshing. while i like little "knicknacks" to make me smile or remember a good memory, and though i love having bright posters up and my own photography, it's not important. everything i own here in Scotland can be fit easily into two large duffle bags, each under 50 pounds. it's my goal, upon my return to my room in Holland, to start shifting through things again and clear out what i don't need anymore. there's quite a bit of clothing, junk, and other stuff that can be thrown away or donated. i just tell myself that if i really want to travel a lot in life, it doesn't make sense for me to have a houseful of junk that i only see a few times a year, if ever.
hm.
today i was reflecting on RS as i was going through the facebook group "you know you've been on a RS trip when..." and saw the line "you're told not to ask future questions" meaning, you don't ask what happens next. wow. that's hardly what i can say about my life now-- it seems to be the "what if" question that takes tops. which, in part, is a good thing, but seeing the 'future question' thing really reminded me to take it sloooooow and stay focused on the present.
however, the present isn't all that busy right now, so i have a lot of time to think about next spring semester and psych myself up for what's coming. the only things i have to do before i fly back to the States on Dec 17 is one more Scot Lit paper, hand in my journal for Welfare Ideology, and.... pack. Well, i have one more class for WI and a bunch more seminars and lectures for Scot Lit, but there isn't a whole lot of obligation tied up with those. I'll still be volunteering twice a week in Drumchapel (again, because I have nothing else to do) so that'll be good.
But yeah, i've been thinking about Barnabas because i've really admired the ones our dorm has had in the past. my mom has also been putting some pressure on me to take up a dorm leadership role because of the stipend. at first i thought this mean being an RA until i realized that Barnabas team members also get that stipend, and it sounds a whole lot more appealing in general.
My fear and intimidation is that I'm not nearly as sprititually disciplined or mature enough for a role like that, even though i could probably manage just fine. That's why i'm tempted to put off applying for a barnabas role until my senior year.... and go with project neighborhood instead for next year.
Project neighborhood is a program that is intentionally christian and upbuilding. I'd live in a house with a family ("mentor") in an area of Grand Rapids that needs good examples of community. I'd be involved with their 'projects' and also commit to being involved at "home" with cooking and things like that. it sounds wonderful and a neat opportunity. However, that isn't a stipend kind of position-- it's still $150 a month for room and board.
It's also difficult because i KNOW i should get a "real job"... but i really don't feel like it. I don't know how I can balance all of that as well. to me, volunteering is more important than income... but my college education pretty much trumps every other opportunity. hm. that only means that i need to apply for LOTS of scholarships this coming january!
and, of course, to pray about it and discuss these opportunities with my mentor. I love heidi-- it will be wonderful to have her companionship next semester. woooo!
alright, well, i feel better about having written here.
hm.
betsy
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