God is full of grace, and I love Him for it. I asked Him to surprise me this year, and He didn't hesitate one moment to bring that about.
After our CLC (Community Life Coordinators) council meeting for everyone in the dorm, Kevin asked if I had a coffee maker. I don't really, but I offered my coffee press, and before I knew it, about 10 people were in my room with coffee mugs. Rebekah brought a second coffeemaker, and the bunch of us enjoyed getting to know each other and drinking coffee. It was completely impromtu, and yet ordained by You-Know-Who (and not Voldemort, either. Ha.) I didn't even have to direct anything or try to "lead" anything--it happened without me. But in my room, with my resources.
I found it encouraging and humbling; knowing that God is moving and that my choice (and essentially, my job as Barnabas) is not to plan things out, but to respond to His spirit's promptings.
All the more reason for Seth and I to read Holy Hunches together, I think. Seems appropriate for this topic.
As I washed people's mugs when they finished drinking their coffee, I shared with Seth how I had prayed for an appropriate room setup. I wanted to be intentional about this and not just do what I liked but what would be effective for my/God's ministry this year. I didn't share this with him because of pride (though I do LOVE how it turned out! It represents me well), but because how blown away I was by God's grace in the matter. I remember coming into my room before touching any furniture, thinking about how to set it up, and then pausing to pray for my room setup and that it would be a welcoming place, and also for the conversations that would happen here and for the people who would come to this place. It's my first day as a "real Barnabas," and by God's grace my room had been set up in a way that invited people in. I don't know whether it was the pictures on the wall, the lights, or the furniture, but God's presence was made real to me tonight. How awkward it was to utter those first words of that seemingly bizaare prayer, and yet how natural it is now to reflect on the power of my request.
God is good. He is faithful. My hope and prayer this year would be that I would find moments that I can point to and really say "God was faithful to me and our dorm there, and there, and there, and there..."
Great is thy faithfulness, Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see!
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Betsy Joy
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Season of Change
How strange to see the full view of Reality again.
As Andy (our Interim chaplain at Calvin) so aptly put it, "the Lovefest will end," and indeed, it already is fading. The past week and a half with Barnabas training has been transforming in and of itself; I learned so much about myself and about the people on my team--God is amazing. God is good. God is faithful to us all. But now our job has begun and we're all back on campus doing this thing for real. Unreal. So crazy. Introducing myself as Barnabas is a kind of a weird thing, but it's kinda fun, too!
Eric and I are together again, after three months apart. It was a strange reunion for both of us--rather surreal, a little awkward at first, and yet I knew his face and his smile and his eyes so well. It was good to catch up, especially to talk and hold hands again. :) So strange, but I like it. ;)
I had an amazing experience with prayer last night. Some girls and I from the team spent 3 hours worshipping our Father. It was pretty intense, actually, and we spent some time reflecting on it this morning before heading out from Cran-Hill. It was moving and powerful; it showed me how real prayer can be. I seek to learn more about prayer, about different kinds of prayer and to be held accountable in praying more often. I'm meeting with Sharon Bytwerk this coming Thursday to spend some time talking about prayer and praying together. It should be a good experience for me, and I hope to meet with her regularly.
Speaking of prayer, pray for me-- of all weeks of the year, I've come down with a cold in the last couple of days. It's rather inconvenient timing, and right now I've got a headache, itchy watery eyes and some congestion. Sad day. I'm going to seek out some meds and make sure I use the next few days before classes start to take it easy before the intensity of September!
Much love. Thanks for your support.
Betsy
As Andy (our Interim chaplain at Calvin) so aptly put it, "the Lovefest will end," and indeed, it already is fading. The past week and a half with Barnabas training has been transforming in and of itself; I learned so much about myself and about the people on my team--God is amazing. God is good. God is faithful to us all. But now our job has begun and we're all back on campus doing this thing for real. Unreal. So crazy. Introducing myself as Barnabas is a kind of a weird thing, but it's kinda fun, too!
Eric and I are together again, after three months apart. It was a strange reunion for both of us--rather surreal, a little awkward at first, and yet I knew his face and his smile and his eyes so well. It was good to catch up, especially to talk and hold hands again. :) So strange, but I like it. ;)
I had an amazing experience with prayer last night. Some girls and I from the team spent 3 hours worshipping our Father. It was pretty intense, actually, and we spent some time reflecting on it this morning before heading out from Cran-Hill. It was moving and powerful; it showed me how real prayer can be. I seek to learn more about prayer, about different kinds of prayer and to be held accountable in praying more often. I'm meeting with Sharon Bytwerk this coming Thursday to spend some time talking about prayer and praying together. It should be a good experience for me, and I hope to meet with her regularly.
Speaking of prayer, pray for me-- of all weeks of the year, I've come down with a cold in the last couple of days. It's rather inconvenient timing, and right now I've got a headache, itchy watery eyes and some congestion. Sad day. I'm going to seek out some meds and make sure I use the next few days before classes start to take it easy before the intensity of September!
Much love. Thanks for your support.
Betsy
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Thunderstorm
Woke up this morning to the sound of thunder and the flashes of lightning outside of our open window. I closed the window, but couldn't fall back asleep. I almost felt it was disrespectful to God to ignore the immense display. So I quietly got up and I have been sitting in the living room in front of the sliding doors and just watching and listening.
It occurred to me how God is both mighty and gentle. His power and strength and fear is all demonstrated in the thunderstorm, and it's fairly terrifying. But my view is obstructed by trees, and those trees and all of their flimsy leaves catch the rain and slow it down so that someone below might not take the full brunt of the storm.
Last night Andy, our interim chaplain at Calvin who is also partly involved with Barnabas, was talking to someone else about Sabbath. This girl was growing a bit flustered because she was realizing how very little Sabbath she has in her life, but for me the word connected to some things that I'd intentionally be doing. I just hadn't recognized it as "daily Sabbaths," and though it's not quite to the point where my work punctuates my Sabbath, it's (literally) a relief to have some reprieve that I can give myself throughout the day.
I'm realizing quickly how necessary it is to really establish boundaries and keep an eye on my emotional and physical (and of course, spiritual) gauges. I'm trying to become tuned in with what activities drain me, to recognize when the burden is heavier, and to seek out ways to refresh myself. On Monday night, I had a conversation with a friend as we walked around and sat talking-- that definitely refreshed me after a long day of sitting. Last night all of us felt like it had been a long, tiring day, but what refreshed me was staying later after Kara's grace story and just laying on the floor with Nate and Colin just talking about random things like how to cook asparagus. I recognized that it was relaxing for me and really enjoyed being there with them and the others. It was a good transition from the rest of the busy day to going to bed early.
The storm has subsided, but it's still quite wet out. Because I went to bed at 10:30pm, I feel refreshed, and more apt to be centered and strong today. It was nice to be able to wake up and spend some time in quiet, too. God provides if we would only seek it out.
Today will be a good day-- although I can't believe it's already Wednesday! Wow! Today our team will finally be complete as Tim flies in this evening. We've also got time for worship tonight with the WAs, and I heard they've planned wiffleball for this afternoon! :)
I love this job. I know it's going to be hard and I know there will be times I don't like my job much, but I really love this job. Our mentors are just incredible, and the team blows me away with their openness and honesty. I've seen masks come off, the power of prayers, the healing of hearts through people's life stories. Input, output. God is good, and I'm seeing it every day through this group that I'm growing so close to. I never dreamed that my team would be this amazing. But then again, even as a dreamer I tend to underestimate ;)
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
Amen.
Betsy
PS. Had a good experience with that doxology. I actually led the singing of it to conclude a prayer that Nal asked me to close, and wow, that was definitely not in character. I'm so self conscious of my singing voice that it was a big thing for me to do that, but I did, and it was just beautiful when everyone joined in. Beautiful.
It occurred to me how God is both mighty and gentle. His power and strength and fear is all demonstrated in the thunderstorm, and it's fairly terrifying. But my view is obstructed by trees, and those trees and all of their flimsy leaves catch the rain and slow it down so that someone below might not take the full brunt of the storm.
Last night Andy, our interim chaplain at Calvin who is also partly involved with Barnabas, was talking to someone else about Sabbath. This girl was growing a bit flustered because she was realizing how very little Sabbath she has in her life, but for me the word connected to some things that I'd intentionally be doing. I just hadn't recognized it as "daily Sabbaths," and though it's not quite to the point where my work punctuates my Sabbath, it's (literally) a relief to have some reprieve that I can give myself throughout the day.
I'm realizing quickly how necessary it is to really establish boundaries and keep an eye on my emotional and physical (and of course, spiritual) gauges. I'm trying to become tuned in with what activities drain me, to recognize when the burden is heavier, and to seek out ways to refresh myself. On Monday night, I had a conversation with a friend as we walked around and sat talking-- that definitely refreshed me after a long day of sitting. Last night all of us felt like it had been a long, tiring day, but what refreshed me was staying later after Kara's grace story and just laying on the floor with Nate and Colin just talking about random things like how to cook asparagus. I recognized that it was relaxing for me and really enjoyed being there with them and the others. It was a good transition from the rest of the busy day to going to bed early.
The storm has subsided, but it's still quite wet out. Because I went to bed at 10:30pm, I feel refreshed, and more apt to be centered and strong today. It was nice to be able to wake up and spend some time in quiet, too. God provides if we would only seek it out.
Today will be a good day-- although I can't believe it's already Wednesday! Wow! Today our team will finally be complete as Tim flies in this evening. We've also got time for worship tonight with the WAs, and I heard they've planned wiffleball for this afternoon! :)
I love this job. I know it's going to be hard and I know there will be times I don't like my job much, but I really love this job. Our mentors are just incredible, and the team blows me away with their openness and honesty. I've seen masks come off, the power of prayers, the healing of hearts through people's life stories. Input, output. God is good, and I'm seeing it every day through this group that I'm growing so close to. I never dreamed that my team would be this amazing. But then again, even as a dreamer I tend to underestimate ;)
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
Amen.
Betsy
PS. Had a good experience with that doxology. I actually led the singing of it to conclude a prayer that Nal asked me to close, and wow, that was definitely not in character. I'm so self conscious of my singing voice that it was a big thing for me to do that, but I did, and it was just beautiful when everyone joined in. Beautiful.
Monday, August 20, 2007
B-team training!
Hi all,
Barnabas training is flying by, I can't believe it's Monday night already. This year's team is going to be great, and the time we've shared together has been meaningful and fun.
Even so, I've definitely found myself stretched emotionally and mentally. I can tell I'm scatterbrained, and I know I need to take some time for myself (like now-- journaling helps) and just recenter and seek out my own identity instead of labeling myself as "Barnabas" and not being a whole person.
The other stress thing right now is my upcoming "Grace Story" (intro about myself/testimony) because I'm given about 15 minutes to talk with time for questions. It's overwhelming for me to think about, because I just feel that there is so much to my story that I should/could include but it's sometimes too complex for me to even think about, let alone put in words.
Being with the team and with the RAs and RD is really great because I know I'll enjoy working with all of them all year and that there are some great friendships in store with those people. But being in this position right now, alone in the quiet, I feel a lot of restlessness and anxiety surfacing. Part of it must be that I don't know the freshmen or sophomores yet, (like I didn't know the RAs, RD or other BT members) and once I do I'll feel more confident. Yet it's also got to do with just this stretched thing I'm feeling right now. I'm forgetting about who I am, having been so caught up in where I am.
I can even see in this blog post how nervous I really feel. I'm surfacing along, not really reflecting on deeper things for very long. I could tell that I was tense even with my good friend Kim, and there wasn't any reason to be. (Heidi and I were meeting once and she noticed how tense I was, and ever since she pointed that out and called me on it, I've been able to better recognize that strange anxiety in myself.) Sometimes acknowledging it helps.
Deep breath.
I just realized that it probably has to do with Eric coming back to Michigan in a week. I had a good conversation with him on the phone Sunday night, but I'm having mixed feelings about seeing him again. I know there's going to be difficult conversations when he comes about some things that weren't healthy last year that definitely need to change since I'm Barnabas this year, and I'm carrying some guilt and apprehensiveness with me about not feeling as confident in our relationship as I had been earlier in the summer. I'd still like to be with him and see things work out, but I'm starting to doubt some other things. Time will tell. The next month will be very revealing.
Exhale.
I feel better, having put that out there. There was a nervousness in my fingers before I typed that last paragraph that isn't there anymore. I'm typing more slowly and something in my body has just relaxed. Amazing. Doesn't change the fact that I'm still apprehensive about seeing him again, but at least I've pinpointed that stress.
That said, the stuff I've learned today in training was really good. We talked a lot about wellness and what boundaries, expectations and support systems that we need to develop individually this year will be. Saying "no" shouldn't be too hard for me since that's just who I am. There are certain people that I'm less likely to say no to than others, but there will always be those people for everyone. I can tell that I crave silence and time alone-- maybe that was especially instilled in me this summer with all that time to read and reflect! (Car rides, to and from work everyday were good for me as well.) Balancing time will be a bigger challenge, and I really hope that I'm able to stick to a schedule.
Well, I've just noticed that it's 6pm and that it's about time for dinner. I'm relieved to have found a little time for myself, and I hope to do some more thinking about what I'm going to say for the Grace story, which won't be until at least Thursday, but I can tell it's something I should work through for myself, and maybe with another person. Or Jesus ;)
Loves!
Betsy
Barnabas training is flying by, I can't believe it's Monday night already. This year's team is going to be great, and the time we've shared together has been meaningful and fun.
Even so, I've definitely found myself stretched emotionally and mentally. I can tell I'm scatterbrained, and I know I need to take some time for myself (like now-- journaling helps) and just recenter and seek out my own identity instead of labeling myself as "Barnabas" and not being a whole person.
The other stress thing right now is my upcoming "Grace Story" (intro about myself/testimony) because I'm given about 15 minutes to talk with time for questions. It's overwhelming for me to think about, because I just feel that there is so much to my story that I should/could include but it's sometimes too complex for me to even think about, let alone put in words.
Being with the team and with the RAs and RD is really great because I know I'll enjoy working with all of them all year and that there are some great friendships in store with those people. But being in this position right now, alone in the quiet, I feel a lot of restlessness and anxiety surfacing. Part of it must be that I don't know the freshmen or sophomores yet, (like I didn't know the RAs, RD or other BT members) and once I do I'll feel more confident. Yet it's also got to do with just this stretched thing I'm feeling right now. I'm forgetting about who I am, having been so caught up in where I am.
I can even see in this blog post how nervous I really feel. I'm surfacing along, not really reflecting on deeper things for very long. I could tell that I was tense even with my good friend Kim, and there wasn't any reason to be. (Heidi and I were meeting once and she noticed how tense I was, and ever since she pointed that out and called me on it, I've been able to better recognize that strange anxiety in myself.) Sometimes acknowledging it helps.
Deep breath.
I just realized that it probably has to do with Eric coming back to Michigan in a week. I had a good conversation with him on the phone Sunday night, but I'm having mixed feelings about seeing him again. I know there's going to be difficult conversations when he comes about some things that weren't healthy last year that definitely need to change since I'm Barnabas this year, and I'm carrying some guilt and apprehensiveness with me about not feeling as confident in our relationship as I had been earlier in the summer. I'd still like to be with him and see things work out, but I'm starting to doubt some other things. Time will tell. The next month will be very revealing.
Exhale.
I feel better, having put that out there. There was a nervousness in my fingers before I typed that last paragraph that isn't there anymore. I'm typing more slowly and something in my body has just relaxed. Amazing. Doesn't change the fact that I'm still apprehensive about seeing him again, but at least I've pinpointed that stress.
That said, the stuff I've learned today in training was really good. We talked a lot about wellness and what boundaries, expectations and support systems that we need to develop individually this year will be. Saying "no" shouldn't be too hard for me since that's just who I am. There are certain people that I'm less likely to say no to than others, but there will always be those people for everyone. I can tell that I crave silence and time alone-- maybe that was especially instilled in me this summer with all that time to read and reflect! (Car rides, to and from work everyday were good for me as well.) Balancing time will be a bigger challenge, and I really hope that I'm able to stick to a schedule.
Well, I've just noticed that it's 6pm and that it's about time for dinner. I'm relieved to have found a little time for myself, and I hope to do some more thinking about what I'm going to say for the Grace story, which won't be until at least Thursday, but I can tell it's something I should work through for myself, and maybe with another person. Or Jesus ;)
Loves!
Betsy
Friday, August 17, 2007
Know what's strange? In my last post I mentioned my friend Thomas Lawson. Last night, he called me! I hadn't talked to him in over a year, and he thought he'd call and see how I was doing! It was such an amazing thing to talk to him again. I miss him dearly. He's an inspiration and image of what deep joy is.
Joy. Joy to the world, the Lord has come! Let earth receive her King, let every heart prepare Him room. And heaven and nature sings, and heaven and nature sings, and heaven and heaven and nature sings!
I read an amazing poem in the Valley of Vision book today; it was about the Holy Spirit and how to ask her into our lives. And yet it was more than a petition, it was also somewhat... philosophical? What I mean is that it asked all sorts of good (hard) questions, reminding me that prayer can be much more than a series of statements, but also ongoing wonderings.
(*Heidi, you need to buy that book! ;) It's absolutely amazing every time I open it!)
Anyhow, I saw "Evan Almighty" last night. It was better than I thought, but still a little questionable. I've never been too thrilled with the Noah & the Ark Bible stories redone in Hollywood, mostly because of the promise that God would never do the same act of destruction again. And I'll admit that this particular film was a clever take for a modern approach, but overall, it's not a great story to do a film on. Besides, why can't we see one on... say, Daniel? That would be a rockin' good movie. And not just about the lion's den, but about his whole life. He was an amazing man.
I've got a good day ahead of me. I've got the bulk of my packing done, but I'll be spending some time on cleaning my furniture (loveseat and chair) and figuring out how to transport them around. I've also got to do some last minute figuiring out when I'm bringing what. Crazy times. :) SOOOoooooo..... I guess I'd better get on that.
By the way, I bought a mimosa! It's my favorite plant-- one that I encountered at the botanic gardens in Glasgow last year! It folds up when you touch it! :)
Have a good one!
Bets
Joy. Joy to the world, the Lord has come! Let earth receive her King, let every heart prepare Him room. And heaven and nature sings, and heaven and nature sings, and heaven and heaven and nature sings!
I read an amazing poem in the Valley of Vision book today; it was about the Holy Spirit and how to ask her into our lives. And yet it was more than a petition, it was also somewhat... philosophical? What I mean is that it asked all sorts of good (hard) questions, reminding me that prayer can be much more than a series of statements, but also ongoing wonderings.
(*Heidi, you need to buy that book! ;) It's absolutely amazing every time I open it!)
Anyhow, I saw "Evan Almighty" last night. It was better than I thought, but still a little questionable. I've never been too thrilled with the Noah & the Ark Bible stories redone in Hollywood, mostly because of the promise that God would never do the same act of destruction again. And I'll admit that this particular film was a clever take for a modern approach, but overall, it's not a great story to do a film on. Besides, why can't we see one on... say, Daniel? That would be a rockin' good movie. And not just about the lion's den, but about his whole life. He was an amazing man.
I've got a good day ahead of me. I've got the bulk of my packing done, but I'll be spending some time on cleaning my furniture (loveseat and chair) and figuring out how to transport them around. I've also got to do some last minute figuiring out when I'm bringing what. Crazy times. :) SOOOoooooo..... I guess I'd better get on that.
By the way, I bought a mimosa! It's my favorite plant-- one that I encountered at the botanic gardens in Glasgow last year! It folds up when you touch it! :)
Have a good one!
Bets
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Sights set above
I know my last post was about living in the present, but today I'm thinking about heaven.
Perhaps one of the most valuable things about living a well-travelled life is that your heart learns to see Home differently. There are countless people (Christian and nonbelievers alike) whom I love dearly, but I know I will not see again in this lifetime.
I remember when it first hit me how huge Heaven is-- huge as in 'size' (as if it could have a set boundary, ha) but also as a huge deal. It was last summer at an Innovator picnic at Lake, and as we were fellowshipping with our friends down by the water and just finishing up pictures and wrapping up with goodbyes, I said to my friend Thomas something like "I am so grateful that there is a Heaven, because otherwise I'd be so sad right now."
So many things have blasted my traditional view of "home" as I know many people have it. For them, home may be a particular street address long after they've moved away.
In my life, I grew up with 3 older siblings who were grown and moved away to other states before I graduated high school. And just months before that graduation, my dad died from cancer at our house in Holland. There was nothing to tie me to that house but fondness for many of the memories there. To further the point, I might add that when I moved to Calvin, I moved permanently away from that house I grew up in, because my mom was re-married that September. (In fact, if I had to describe one place on earth that I could name as "home," it would probably be my flat in Glasgow.)
But I wasn't left with a feeling of dislocation--It's not as though I have no home at all. All of this, including my travels to Europe with EuroQuest in 2004 (and my "family" I travelled with) as well as my time in Yellowstone for 3 months last summer, and my semester abroad in Scotland last fall, and my past coupled with the feelings of longing to be moving again, it's all added up to my sense of home not even being here on this earth: Heaven is where my heart is.
Heaven is where my heart is. Heaven is where my family is. Heaven is my home that I anticipate for while on this long road here on earth.
It's a privilege to me, though, to meet members of my heavenly family while here on Earth. That's part of why I can call Heaven "Home," because I have family there already, both related to me biologically as well as spiritually.
I guess I'm just reflecting on this as I pack up my things once again (I tend to do this a lot, I think I'm getting better at this--I hope! hehe) to go back to Calvin. I don't see it as moving away from home anymore, that ended a long time ago. I see it as my next "assignment" from my Father in Heaven.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
this is the power of Christ in me!
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny!
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from his hand!
Till He returns, or calls me home
Here in the love of Christ I stand!
["In Christ Alone" -final stanza]
Betsy
And one more thing. I can't help but wonder if this will all change again when I have a family & kids. But I suspect that it won't-- my kids may just end up inheriting my way of life! And I'd like them to learn the value of seeing Heaven as home first before our street address. ;)
Family of God (A hymn I learned as a child)
I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family,
The Family of God
You will notice we say "brother and sister" 'round here,
It's because we're a family and these are so near;
When one has a heartache, we all share the tears,
And rejoice in each victory in this family so dear.
Chorus
I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family,
The Family of God
From the door of an orphanage to the house of the King,
No longer an outcast, a new song I sing;
From rags unto riches, from the weak to the strong,
I'm not worthy to be here, but PRAISE GOD! I belong!
Chorus
I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family,
The Family of God
Perhaps one of the most valuable things about living a well-travelled life is that your heart learns to see Home differently. There are countless people (Christian and nonbelievers alike) whom I love dearly, but I know I will not see again in this lifetime.
I remember when it first hit me how huge Heaven is-- huge as in 'size' (as if it could have a set boundary, ha) but also as a huge deal. It was last summer at an Innovator picnic at Lake, and as we were fellowshipping with our friends down by the water and just finishing up pictures and wrapping up with goodbyes, I said to my friend Thomas something like "I am so grateful that there is a Heaven, because otherwise I'd be so sad right now."
So many things have blasted my traditional view of "home" as I know many people have it. For them, home may be a particular street address long after they've moved away.
In my life, I grew up with 3 older siblings who were grown and moved away to other states before I graduated high school. And just months before that graduation, my dad died from cancer at our house in Holland. There was nothing to tie me to that house but fondness for many of the memories there. To further the point, I might add that when I moved to Calvin, I moved permanently away from that house I grew up in, because my mom was re-married that September. (In fact, if I had to describe one place on earth that I could name as "home," it would probably be my flat in Glasgow.)
But I wasn't left with a feeling of dislocation--It's not as though I have no home at all. All of this, including my travels to Europe with EuroQuest in 2004 (and my "family" I travelled with) as well as my time in Yellowstone for 3 months last summer, and my semester abroad in Scotland last fall, and my past coupled with the feelings of longing to be moving again, it's all added up to my sense of home not even being here on this earth: Heaven is where my heart is.
Heaven is where my heart is. Heaven is where my family is. Heaven is my home that I anticipate for while on this long road here on earth.
It's a privilege to me, though, to meet members of my heavenly family while here on Earth. That's part of why I can call Heaven "Home," because I have family there already, both related to me biologically as well as spiritually.
I guess I'm just reflecting on this as I pack up my things once again (I tend to do this a lot, I think I'm getting better at this--I hope! hehe) to go back to Calvin. I don't see it as moving away from home anymore, that ended a long time ago. I see it as my next "assignment" from my Father in Heaven.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
this is the power of Christ in me!
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny!
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from his hand!
Till He returns, or calls me home
Here in the love of Christ I stand!
["In Christ Alone" -final stanza]
Betsy
And one more thing. I can't help but wonder if this will all change again when I have a family & kids. But I suspect that it won't-- my kids may just end up inheriting my way of life! And I'd like them to learn the value of seeing Heaven as home first before our street address. ;)
Family of God (A hymn I learned as a child)
I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family,
The Family of God
You will notice we say "brother and sister" 'round here,
It's because we're a family and these are so near;
When one has a heartache, we all share the tears,
And rejoice in each victory in this family so dear.
Chorus
I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family,
The Family of God
From the door of an orphanage to the house of the King,
No longer an outcast, a new song I sing;
From rags unto riches, from the weak to the strong,
I'm not worthy to be here, but PRAISE GOD! I belong!
Chorus
I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family,
The Family of God
Sunday, August 12, 2007
day by day~
Day by day, day by day
Oh dear Lord, three things I pray:
To see thee more clearly
To love thee more dearly
To follow thee more nearly
Day by day.
Stay in the moment. I've got to remember that.
Oh dear Lord, three things I pray:
To see thee more clearly
To love thee more dearly
To follow thee more nearly
Day by day.
Stay in the moment. I've got to remember that.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
what a day!
Spent the day with some of my favorite people: Lauren, Heidi & Samara, my mommy... :) It was busy, but Restful all at the same time.
I also saw "No Reservations" which was so heartwarming. My mom and I both thought that the grief in the film was done exceptionally well; it was realistic and tasteful. My mom and I were both in tears, but we also laughed at the pretty appropriate humor. I'd like to see it again when it comes out on DVD. :)
It's so hard to believe that the summer is over for me--this is my last weekend home! Sheesh. But overall it was such a relaxing, restful time for me to grow and appreciate the beautiful things. (And even though work was stressful and could have been better, it was still a good experience in the end.)
Next week at this time, I'll be with Barnabas! Yay! But the weirdest thought is that in two weeks, Eric will be back in Michigan. I can imagine that it'll be good to see him again, although I know that difficult questions are inevitable. There's simply been a lot happening to my inner life that needs to be expressed and clarified. I don't know where that will take us-- but I know that it'll be best. So much has already changed. My expectations and values have also shifted somewhat since last spring-- I'm more focused, more aware, more conscientious. I don't doubt that things have changed for him as well, and I'm a flexible and open person. But I also want to be realistic and recognize that things could possibly have changed for us in the last 3 months (over 13 weeks!) that we've spent apart.
Yet I'm ready for change to happen. I'm anticipating moving back to Calvin now more than I was as a Freshman! Of course, (as I was reminded tonight by an email) I also need to remain in the moment, however tempting it is to zoom past the next six days without thought. Last year I was preparing for Scotland and that preparation was a reflection of my internal preparation as well-- I should do that with the same intentionality. The unexamined life is not worth living. (Thanks, CS Lewis, for pounding that into my head this summer.)
Time for some rest. Church in the morning-- possibly my last week at Faith CRC for a while! Sad. I've really enjoyed it. There's a very familial sense to that place.
Love.
Betsy
I also saw "No Reservations" which was so heartwarming. My mom and I both thought that the grief in the film was done exceptionally well; it was realistic and tasteful. My mom and I were both in tears, but we also laughed at the pretty appropriate humor. I'd like to see it again when it comes out on DVD. :)
It's so hard to believe that the summer is over for me--this is my last weekend home! Sheesh. But overall it was such a relaxing, restful time for me to grow and appreciate the beautiful things. (And even though work was stressful and could have been better, it was still a good experience in the end.)
Next week at this time, I'll be with Barnabas! Yay! But the weirdest thought is that in two weeks, Eric will be back in Michigan. I can imagine that it'll be good to see him again, although I know that difficult questions are inevitable. There's simply been a lot happening to my inner life that needs to be expressed and clarified. I don't know where that will take us-- but I know that it'll be best. So much has already changed. My expectations and values have also shifted somewhat since last spring-- I'm more focused, more aware, more conscientious. I don't doubt that things have changed for him as well, and I'm a flexible and open person. But I also want to be realistic and recognize that things could possibly have changed for us in the last 3 months (over 13 weeks!) that we've spent apart.
Yet I'm ready for change to happen. I'm anticipating moving back to Calvin now more than I was as a Freshman! Of course, (as I was reminded tonight by an email) I also need to remain in the moment, however tempting it is to zoom past the next six days without thought. Last year I was preparing for Scotland and that preparation was a reflection of my internal preparation as well-- I should do that with the same intentionality. The unexamined life is not worth living. (Thanks, CS Lewis, for pounding that into my head this summer.)
Time for some rest. Church in the morning-- possibly my last week at Faith CRC for a while! Sad. I've really enjoyed it. There's a very familial sense to that place.
Love.
Betsy
Friday, August 10, 2007
so refreshed.
Good conversation is good for so many reasons, on so many levels.
I also realized today, on the way home from Grand Rapids at about 8:30pm (while watching the sunset) something rather profound. It's simply this: Unexpected kindness leads to opportunities you'd never have imagined. For instance, all I did for my friend Lauren was offer to go and pick her up for church on Sunday night-- which meant driving from Holland to GR back to Grandville for church and then back to GR and then home to Holland again. I don't mind--it's the least I can do for her, and it's really opened up a ton of opportunities for good conversation. Kindness isn't always convenient. That would kind of defeat the point of being kind.
What I especially like about this concept is that it's totally applicable for this year as a Barnabas. I shouldn't worry so much about how I'll relate to people-- sometimes all it takes is a kind word or deed that opens up opportunities that you could stand around waiting months for otherwise. People are moved by kindness more than we realize, I think.
I like to call this "practical theology" because it's truth in life that is at the heart of Christianity, but is also applicable to anyone-- believer or no. This kind of stuff could never be written out in theory without being experienced. It's pretty profound, amazing stuff.
I like what CS Lewis has been teaching me this summer as well. He talks a lot about the dangers of an "unexamined life" and the consequences that's had in his own, and also the rewards of self-intuition and intentional growth. (Sounds like Calvin's institutes, too!) I'm almost done with Surprised by Joy--There's some good stuff in there! :)
This weekend is turning out to be a little bit busier than I anticipated, what with Breakfast with Babies, helping Lauren and her mom move furniture into Lauren's new apartment, and having coffee with Heidi on Saturday, and then Mars Hill for Lauren Winner (!!!) on Sunday night. It's all good stuff, though, and I definitely enjoy it. It's the relaxing kind of busy ;) I think I can handle it just fine because I only work Monday and Tuesday next week (hallelujah) and then I'm DONE! Woo! Which means I have Wednesday to goof off with my momma and Thursday and Friday to relax and pack! :)
Now, however, I ought to go and get some sleep. I think I'll finish my book, though. :)
Much love,
Betsy
I also realized today, on the way home from Grand Rapids at about 8:30pm (while watching the sunset) something rather profound. It's simply this: Unexpected kindness leads to opportunities you'd never have imagined. For instance, all I did for my friend Lauren was offer to go and pick her up for church on Sunday night-- which meant driving from Holland to GR back to Grandville for church and then back to GR and then home to Holland again. I don't mind--it's the least I can do for her, and it's really opened up a ton of opportunities for good conversation. Kindness isn't always convenient. That would kind of defeat the point of being kind.
What I especially like about this concept is that it's totally applicable for this year as a Barnabas. I shouldn't worry so much about how I'll relate to people-- sometimes all it takes is a kind word or deed that opens up opportunities that you could stand around waiting months for otherwise. People are moved by kindness more than we realize, I think.
I like to call this "practical theology" because it's truth in life that is at the heart of Christianity, but is also applicable to anyone-- believer or no. This kind of stuff could never be written out in theory without being experienced. It's pretty profound, amazing stuff.
I like what CS Lewis has been teaching me this summer as well. He talks a lot about the dangers of an "unexamined life" and the consequences that's had in his own, and also the rewards of self-intuition and intentional growth. (Sounds like Calvin's institutes, too!) I'm almost done with Surprised by Joy--There's some good stuff in there! :)
This weekend is turning out to be a little bit busier than I anticipated, what with Breakfast with Babies, helping Lauren and her mom move furniture into Lauren's new apartment, and having coffee with Heidi on Saturday, and then Mars Hill for Lauren Winner (!!!) on Sunday night. It's all good stuff, though, and I definitely enjoy it. It's the relaxing kind of busy ;) I think I can handle it just fine because I only work Monday and Tuesday next week (hallelujah) and then I'm DONE! Woo! Which means I have Wednesday to goof off with my momma and Thursday and Friday to relax and pack! :)
Now, however, I ought to go and get some sleep. I think I'll finish my book, though. :)
Much love,
Betsy
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
I. am. so. excited. (!)
...And nothing has even happened yet! Meaning that I'm still not a new aunt (sunday evening at the latest, though! woo!) and I haven't turned 20 yet and I haven't finished my job or moved back to Calvin yet or seen Eric.
But all of this is happening in a matter of days/weeks, so there's good reason to be elated. :)
I can't believe how wonderfully restful this summer has been. Too often "vacation" means "stress" where it should, rather, act as a long-term Sabbath :) Yep, that's what these last couple of months were for me-- a long-term Sabbath. Not technically, since I did work and all, but between the rest and time alone and reading and seeing friends and sending my roots deeper in my faith, things have gone extraordinarly well. (I can't help but wonder whether that last one, about faith, was part of it being so restful or was a result. Maybe both.)
I've started to think about how I'll decorate my dorm room (yay for having it to myself!) and I've begun pulling things together and throwing them in boxes to pack more thoroughly later. Tonight I sent out emails-- to my new RD, a newcomer to the Barnabas team, and to the RAs in Kals. All of this is getting me geared up to get back to Calvin and see what God has been preparing me for since the Spring of 2006! (My, how time flies!)
Some goals I have for this year:
*keep up the reading streak! I forgot how relaxing it is to sit down and read a good book. (Or how much of a book you can get read instead of blogging for 20 minutes, ha.) Hopefully having my own room next year will allow me to have LOTS of my books at school this year! (I own almost 200 books!)
*remain authentic in my personality by remaining authentic in Him.
*develop some healthy prayer habits!
*continue getting into the disciplines
*find a niche to volunteer in :) as per usual. I really hope to find something related to community development. It's a growing interest of mine to learn to see the Kingdom of God in the lowliest places.
Well, I've got a few things to do before I head to bed.
Love!
...And nothing has even happened yet! Meaning that I'm still not a new aunt (sunday evening at the latest, though! woo!) and I haven't turned 20 yet and I haven't finished my job or moved back to Calvin yet or seen Eric.
But all of this is happening in a matter of days/weeks, so there's good reason to be elated. :)
I can't believe how wonderfully restful this summer has been. Too often "vacation" means "stress" where it should, rather, act as a long-term Sabbath :) Yep, that's what these last couple of months were for me-- a long-term Sabbath. Not technically, since I did work and all, but between the rest and time alone and reading and seeing friends and sending my roots deeper in my faith, things have gone extraordinarly well. (I can't help but wonder whether that last one, about faith, was part of it being so restful or was a result. Maybe both.)
I've started to think about how I'll decorate my dorm room (yay for having it to myself!) and I've begun pulling things together and throwing them in boxes to pack more thoroughly later. Tonight I sent out emails-- to my new RD, a newcomer to the Barnabas team, and to the RAs in Kals. All of this is getting me geared up to get back to Calvin and see what God has been preparing me for since the Spring of 2006! (My, how time flies!)
Some goals I have for this year:
*keep up the reading streak! I forgot how relaxing it is to sit down and read a good book. (Or how much of a book you can get read instead of blogging for 20 minutes, ha.) Hopefully having my own room next year will allow me to have LOTS of my books at school this year! (I own almost 200 books!)
*remain authentic in my personality by remaining authentic in Him.
*develop some healthy prayer habits!
*continue getting into the disciplines
*find a niche to volunteer in :) as per usual. I really hope to find something related to community development. It's a growing interest of mine to learn to see the Kingdom of God in the lowliest places.
Well, I've got a few things to do before I head to bed.
Love!
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