The Savior

This was the next prayer in my book Valley of Vision... I invite you all to pray it with me.


The Savior

Thou God of all grace,
Thou hast given me a savior,
produce in me a faith to live by him,
to make him all my desire,
all my hope,
all my glory.

May I enter him as my refuge,
build on him as my foundation,
walk in him as my way,
follow him as my guide,
conform to him as my example,
receive his instructions as my prophet,
rely on his intercession as my high priest,
obey him as my king.

May I never be ashamed of him or his words,
but joyfully bear his reproach,
never displease him by unholy or imprudent conduct,
never count it a glory if I take it patiently
when buffeted for a fault,
never make the multitude my model,
never dely when the Word invites me to advance.

May thy dear Son preserve me from this present evil world,
so that its smiles never allure,
nor its frowns terrify,
nor its vices defile,
nor its errors delude me.

May I feel that I am a stranger and a pilgrim on earth,
declaring plainly that I seek a country,
my title to it becoming daily more clear,
my meetness for it more perfect,
my fortastes of it more abundant;

and whatsoever I do may it be done in the Savior's name.

AMEN!

I am whole.

Jeremy Camp-"Empty Me"

Holy fire burn away
My desire for anything
That is not of you and is of me
I want more of you
And less of me

Empty me, empty me, fill me
With you, with you


This song is incredibly appropriate for this moment of my life.

A holy fire burnt away over 16 pages of a confession today, after pouring it all out in three hours' time with a couple of my mentors. It was a spiritual surgery; a procedure to extract a second self from my life-- another side of me that lived in darkness, that no one knew about. That self is gone. I have fully entered into the Light. I am free.

There is no condemnation in Christ, but there are consequences. I'm still working through that part. But I rejoice in the Lord (always!) because He is revealing a plan for my life that far exceeds what I expected for myself. I never dreamed of exposing that side of me-- now I've done that. That was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. Now, what I once intended to hide and never ever mention is reversed-- I am able to tell people that I'm struggling, that I've got stuff to deal with, and I don't have to worry about what is or isn't said.

I am exhausted. But yet deeply refreshed. I can actually rest, now. I have the Spirit of Him living in me-- the same power that raised Christ from the dead is present in me. And I wield it.

I understand, now. I understand what it means to work out our own salvation. He is generous, loving and gracious, but He isn't going to pry out of my hands what I refuse to give Him. But he will take my hands gently, and help me to, if I let him. And He did. And He's removed it from me and placed it with the things he carried with him on the cross.

Again! Praise God, from whom all blessings flow....

I have been made whole again!

Betsy

Transformation, Part A

God is doing big things in my life.

...Like digging up a past that I never dreamed I'd confront, let alone now.

And yet, I'm getting it. I feel like the Eustace in Chronicles of Narnia, when he's been turned into a dragon. It's hurting me so badly, but only the sharp nail of the Lion of Judah can pull these dark scales away from me. I don't have to be two people anymore.

Spiritual Surgery in seven hours. I'm meeting with Marcia and Sharon. I'm terrified-- or was, earlier-- but now I'm just excited and anticipate the new testimony, the new grace story, that I can give. Now I understand the reason why I haven't told my dorm my story yet. There was still more of my story to be written that they would need to hear. Already, it's changing me. It's affecting how people relate to me. And that's a good thing.

The song Mighty to Save came up in dorm worship tonight (which Seth brilliantly covered for me, so I could "deal with it") and I'd never deeply realized the implications of the words "Author of Salvation".... Wow. Jesus designed salvation, redemption from the burden of sin, so that I-- Betsy Joy-- could experience it. I have got to stop feeling as though I need to clean myself up before coming to the Throne-- I should have come a long time ago just as I was, and let God redeem that past along with the other things that I did let Him have.

Mighty to Save
[Marty Sampson]

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Anyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I Surrender
I Surrender…

Shine your light and
Let the whole world see
We’re singing for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus Shine your light and
Let the whole world see
We’re singing for the glory
Of the risen King


2nd Chronicles 7:14--

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

I am called by His name. I will humble myself. I will pray. I will seek his face. And I will turn from my wicked ways, from my darkness, and be a Child of the Light.

And I will hear from heaven. I will be forgiven of my sin. and my life, my land, will receive healing.


Jeremy Camp-"Empty Me"
Holy fire burn away
My desire for anything
That is not of you and is of me
I want more of you
And less of me

Empty me, empty me, fill me
With you, with you



Praise God, from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him, all creatures here below.

Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts.

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!

AMEN!


Betsy Joy

I'm falling in love... with Africa.

A lesson: Be careful what you pray for.

Not that praying with audacity, boldly petitioning the throne of God is a bad thing. But I think in some instances, the process of prayer is what helps us realize what we're actually asking for.

Anyone who knows me, knows my passport is a prized possession. I love to travel. And I love to teach. And I love to minister to others. Put those all together: I'm pretty passionate about my dream of going places to do all of the above. (Side note: I've never considered myself as someone who wants to be a "missionary"... is that weird?) To those who ask me where I want to go, my response has often been "If you gave me an envelope with a plane ticket in it, and told me there was a teaching job at the other end, I'd go."

And to be honest, I think that I would go. I would at least try.

But lately, God has been reminding me of what I'm actually saying. It's almost as though He's nudging me to really take that seriously. It first started when I started mentally excluding Japan (for selfish reasons: I wouldn't want that long of a workday!) And then I learned about Kibera. And my heart broke for it. It was then that I realized that not knowing where I'd end up before getting on the hypothetical airplane would certainly be easier than anticipating a place like Kibera.

Kibera is the largest slum in Africa. Its currugated metal roofs create a sea that stretches out endlessly. It is located near Nairobi, Kenya, and is home to perhaps a million people. No one really knows. Few people are even aware of this nightmare that thousands of young children wake up to every day. Sanitation and water, let alone electricity, is practically a joke. And yet, it exists. Out of sight, out of mind? Really? Is that acceptable?

I'm finding it hard to say no, even though Reason has been kicking into full gears whenever I think about my place in the world and where God may use my passions. Reason is the Devil's advocate, reminding me of other places I'd like to go. Reason even dares to mention that I can't hear naturally, even though I've never let my hearing impairment stop me before--even though I almost did, when I was afraid of not understanding Scottish accents. Reason says I wouldn't like it.

And yet. I hunger and thirst for righteousness. I ache for the brokenhearted. Something in my heart, deep down, knows that Christ is found among the poor, the lame and sick, the dejected and rejected. You wonder why so many people don't feel God in their lives. Have they really looked for him in the places where He is working?

Yes, the poor and suffering are found in West Michigan, too. But can we honestly (and morally) deny the fact that poverty is far more severe elsewhere? I honestly have never seen a malnutrioned child in all of my volunteer work. There are not hundreds of children dying in Grand Rapids because there's a lack of clean water. Yes, we need to take care of our own. But that is not enough.

So. Will I go "anywhere"? Even if God stops the plane the way that the angel stayed Abraham's knife, I ought to make the move to sacrifice my expectations for God's will. It is in the giving up of ourselves that we realize what we're meant to give.


Hallelujah, He is coming,
Hallelujah, He is here.
Hallelujah, He is coming,
Hallelujah, He is here.

More on changing the world:
http://www.un.org/millenniumgoals/
http://www.micahchallenge.org/
http://www.wateraid.org/



Betsy Joy

Optional Reading:

Yes, I still love Scotland, Glasgow and Europe. Yes, Europe needs missions. But I've never realized the extent of the need in Africa, and what I'm finding is perspective-shattering. It makes my soul sick and groan with the Holy Spirit for all of Creation, and my heart gasps Oh, my God. Is it so strange that I long to hold the dying children in my arms, if only to comfort them until they reach the Father's?

Africa has come up in almost every context these days. Maybe it started with Geography class and the realizations of why Africa suffers so much. In my aiding placement, we spent time talking about East Africa, and about half of my students Somalis from Kenya. Following that, multiple conversations (and pictures!) with Josh Kuipers, a fellow Barnabas who has spent a lot of time in Kenya, lit a spark of wanting to know more, more, more. Then, perhaps entirely a God thing, I felt inspired to pick the theme of Water for my unit lesson plans, not really knowing at first which direction I would take it. That's when I encountered wateraid.org, an extensive non-profit organization that seeks to provide the thirsty with sufficient water as well as teaching on proper sanitary and hygiene routines. They led me straight back to East Africa. Again I was sick just reading about the needs there, and then revolted at the statistics I found about how much water a single American uses in a single year (about 30,000 gallons of water, averaging about 80-100 gallons a day.) Tonight I curled up on my couch with African folktales, looking for stories that related to water. I've been falling in love with this ancient continent.


Teach us, Lord, to pray.

Hm.

The last 24 hours have been full of conversation. There were conversations going on in my ESL classroom with students, at my volunteer agency about future college options, over dinner with my girls on 3rd, with Mary Sheppard (from 7ish-1:30am!) about everything under the sun, with a small group this morning, and with Emily Hanna.

I thrive on conversation; it allows me to think out loud and to relate more deeply. But I've also been thinking about the conversations that I haven't been having. People I've neglected, people whom I don't see nearly as much as I'd like to (siblings included), people I wish I could connect with and can't seem to. Some of those lack of conversations are due to lack of time [management], others to lack of courage. Some people I just shouldn't have these conversations with. And then there's those who I'd like to seek out for meaningful conversation but realize that my own [unconcious/ulterior--however well intentioned] motives might get in the way of the conversation. (I.e., guys I might end up having a 'thing' for.)

And yet, what strikes me is that most of our lives are spent listening. I think we all forget that. We choose what we listen to, as well. Music is an obvious one. God is an obvious one, too, except that we don't intentionally do it very often. Or at least, I don't.

Hm. Think I should spend some time talking to God today.


Bets

Yay for Eastern (Greek) Orthodoxy!

If I had to pick another Christian tradition to be a part of, I would pick Greek Orthodoxy. I first started to learn more about orthodoxy in my Doctrine of Christ & Reconciliation class, and I have to admit, there are many aspects that they emphasize that the Reformed/Protestant tradition could get a few pointers from (and likewise, of course.) Then, for Jesus Bus today, we took our group to Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church on Lakeview Drive (off of Michigan, off of the Beltline) and it was a real treat.

Themas--a member of the church--was our host, and did a wonderful job of making us feel welcome. We went an hour early to get an introduction to the service, the traditions and just about what to expect. Without his superb and enthusiastic presentation, I'm sure we would have been overly critical, confused and, well, it would have been "Greek" to us (wink, wink!) --more than it already was! They even sent us home with thick packets of information and resources to look through and find out more and answered questions after the service.

As I write this, I have the congregation-choir's beautiful songs in my head. I can still almost smell the incense and hear the bells. It was a lovely, poetic service with all the reverence and awe that I think Protestants have lost too easily. It's a wonder that Orthodox Christians even consider Protestants Christians--if any of them came to our services, I think they'd find us much too watered-down and shallow... at least in some aspects. They might wonder why our children are refused from the Eucharist. They would certainly find the lack of artistry and sensory aspects a bit unusual.

Theologically and doctrinally, there's also a lot to take away from the Orthodox tradition. First and foremost, I deeply respect their emphasis towards Christ's life, rather than his death. This and the fact that they consider Christ to have "conquered" rather than "paid" seems to make more sense in my mind/heart. Some of the actual wording and nit picky details are still over my head and I'd have to look into them much more (but same with Reformed tradition!)

Second, they're right when they look more broadly for Truth, rather than individual interpretation of the Bible or personal preference. It's all to easy for Protestants to claim any which way as Truth (think about it--if we don't like the pastor, we get rid of him, or we leave the church and find another one, or we start our own congregation. How do we define Truth, then? By our own individual standards), whereas the Orthodox tradition has a deeper sense of accountability to others, to the Church as a whole. The traditions they have go back to the very, very beginning. No one person is infallible, but as a whole, the Church maintains certain themes and kinds of "rhythms" that everyone lives with. Major decisions are decided ecumenically (universally) with everyone present, and must be made unanimously-- (unlike Catholicism, where the Pope can veto a decision)... the last council was centuries ago, I think like in 770 for the Nicene Creed! Councils are only called to discuss heresy, not just on whims when something new comes up and they feel like an official stance is needed (ahem. Calvinists do have a longstanding reputation for "splitting hairs" when none exist.) What's interesting, then, is that no decision has been made about women in office for the Orthodox church-- and that's what Themas predicts will call the next great Council, but not for quite a long time yet.


All in all, I would love to go to Greece and experience a worship service there. I'd also like to see what one is like in Ethiopia, considering that's also a very long tradition of orthodoxy (remember the Eunuch?) It's a beautiful thing.

This tradition belongs to me, too. This is a dimension of my religion, these are my brothers and sisters, and it's a beautiful aspect to appreciate deeply. Many of our church roots come from the orthodox church, which incorporates many Jewish and early church traditions as well.

Praise be to God.

Betsy

Urban [and/or] Education

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, for He is good and His love endures forever.

I had an amazing day. I received an extra measure of grace in everything-- from extra treats in my sack lunch from Uppercrust(!) to a very successful teaching day of both large group and small group instruction, to the amazing conversation with my cooperating teacher after school, and the fun time at my volunteer agency where my unique skill of turning a styrofoam cup inside out came in handy!! :) Not to mention that some girls on my floor colored a picture of a princess and labeled it with my name and stuck it on my door this morning! Plus I got to drive around downtown Grand Rapids and realized how much I love the city, even in rainy weather.

I am deeply passionate about life. I am in love with teaching. My heart is in the city, where there is so much beauty in the brokeness. My days are given over to God to be used in any form of ministry He calls me to. Praise be to God.


Bets

And fall gives way to winter...

The wind was frigid today. The damp air certainly reminded me of being in Scotland, but I sure don't miss having wind that blows right through you. Luckily I bundled up today and had both layers of my winter coat (the fleece and the shell zipped in together), and my scarf, and my gloves...

I'm going to miss this season's radiant fall colors, though. For some reason, I thought often of the Crucifixion. To me, the leaves look as though they are mottled with blood. It's not morbid, but in an unnervingly beautiful way. Some look as though they are still wet with blood and are bright red, others are crusty and brown and look as though they've become dried and stale.

Besides the Crucifixion, I also imagined that the trees are absorbing the blood of those who are dying and crying out all over the world; especially in Africa. We forget, but the trees' roots go down deep and seep up the blood and mourn over those who are lost to us as the leaves, too, die.

* * *

It's Tuesday. Unfortunately, I didn't have an opportunity to do teacher aiding because it was Staff Development day and there weren't any students. I took the morning to sleep in and get some other things done, like going to the health center to set up appointments for next week. It's been a decent day. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, though.

I should just get my homework done ASAP and then read for awhile before the CLC meeting. Can't say I'm thrilled for the CLC meeting. I wonder if Seth will be there.

* * *

I've been spending time in prayer more than usual. It's a good thing. You'd think I'd take away a thing or two after hearing Mary Hulst for the last month and following up in dorm worship. I started this week with "Lord, Teach me to pray" and the Good Lord has provided ways and reasons to. Praise be to God.


Yeah. so. Homework. :)
Betsy

I love daylight savings!

At least in the fall, I do. :) It was so nice to be rested this morning and still have that extra hour to goof off before I have to get ready for church!

Went to see BeeMovie with my mom-- it was cute/okay. Lots of adult humor which was a relief, although I was quite surprised at how sketchy some of it was! I concluded that kids must be very visual because most of the jokes would have been wayyyyyyy over their heads. But cute, nonetheless. (And I'm sure the parents were relieved.)

Then, whaddya know, Eric and Debbi both came over at the same time. We actually had a great time talking and drinking tea & hot chocolate. Two of my best friends, what could be better? Talked about Chemistry and grading and stuff and random things. I was grateful for their company.

LOFT tonight! Last week in Mary Hulst's series (sad) about prayer. I'm looking forward to Dorm Worship already because Sharon from the Office of Chr. Formation is speaking! YAY! Hopefully my Kuyperian friends (Kim, Brad, Jessie, and all the rest) show up tonight. I really like it when they come to LOFT...

MMmmmmmm.... Time for a shower.

Bets


::edit::

Went to LaGrave CRC this morning. I found it quite restful. Something about the orderliness, the high-church feel and reverence allows me to re-center myself and sit peacefully.

I also found myself challenged by a nagging question of what I'm actually contributing to the Kingdom of God. Vocationally, I'm on board. I'm willing to teach, minister, volunteer, and all the rest. I desire to live simply and to simply live.

But there's something more to be had, or done. Not quite sure what it is. I'll confess that I feel wholly inadequate when it comes to my own spiritual well-being. I don't stay constant in His word, or pray enough, or do _______ enough (the list goes on). Yes, I understand that I have to let things go and accept grace in its place. But I also don't want to let myself off the hook because of Grace, to abuse it and misuse it for whenever I'm too lazy to acknowledge the work I'm meant to do.

Vague, I know. More later.

lonely.

Forgot what a Friday with no plans (and no boyfriend, for that matter) felt like.

It's pretty lonely, and I've been ridiculously bored. Had a brief date with Thomas Merton (ok, so like a literary, not really real-since he's dead- date...) which was only partially stimulating since what I really wanted was some action. :P

I could do homework, but who really wants to do that at 10pm on a Friday?

Note to self: make plans for next week. Or else.


Bets

::edit:: (later)

Okay, okay. So I'm going to look at this from a more positive stance. I, obviously, have a choice in how to spend my time and about whether or not I'll enjoy the time that is given to me.

I've been dreaming about Teach for America (TFA, teachforamerica.org) lately. Seems like something I'd really enjoy doing. It's a division of Americorp, which is like Peace Corp. Claire Beyer, who graduated from HCHS a couple years before me, is currently serving in Texas and I've been messaging her via Facebook about it. I'm intrigued, at any rate. I'd still like to do Peace Corp, but somehow TFA just appeals to me at more levels, minus the fact that I'm still in the USA ;)

I don't know whether it's the idealistic 20s, or if it's actually who I am, that draws me to service and a desire to live simply and to give to others. I don't want a big salary (just enough to pay off my loans will do, thank you very much) and I'm content to find my niche among the poor and under-resourced, in diverse and challenging settings. It's just what I want to do. I'd work for free all of my life if I could.

Brings me back to thinking about Jubilee Fellows. What an interesting opportunity I've gotten myself into! A couple of girls on my floor congratulated me today, as there was an announcement in Student News. They didn't know what it was, but figured out that it was a cool thing that their Barnabas was doing. Hehe. I really (really) hope to be living in a city (at least the size of GRap, if not bigger!) next summer. I just love cities. I want to be where the people are, and to learn a new bus route and to be able to walk places. God appears to me in glorious ways in cities in a more personal way than He appears in the great open spaces of the west. It's easy to point to a landscape and say "wow, God is in that," but you don't see the same charateristics of God that you see when you walk down the city street and realize in subtle ways how God is present and longing to be part of our lives and pressing in around the tall buildings, ready for action, ready to build community. I just want to carve out my heart and give it to someone who is homeless if it means I've given it to Jesus.

Well. Sleep is always a scarcity, so I'm going to jump in bed now.

Love & Joy,

Betsy

Godspell

I love what Godspell does to me.


I saw it for the third time tonight, and it was just so refreshing and wonderful! (Huge round of applause to everyone involved with it!) I love how it focuses so much more on Jesus' life and teachings and the creativity and friendship that radiates from His character portrayed in that way. The music is infectious (I'll be humming it all weekend!) and no two productions are remotely the same.

It prompts me to dig deeper, to explore the identity of Christ, and to truly ask for those three things-- to see Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, and to follow Thee more nearly! :)

Plus I got to spend the evening with Heidi, which is a real treat in itself! YAY!


(This is our first picture together, even though we've ben friends for a long time now!)


Blessings,
Bets