Never have I faced the New Year with such a, well, I don't know what to call this attitude.
It's not a "bad" attitude: I welcome and appreciate each year and look forward to its blessings-- but this year just hurts, in so many places, and in so many ways.
It seems fitting, considering that I have written blog entries harolding the new year for quite some time now, to reflect for a moment and at least acknowledge that I'm facing change in a real way. It's quite easy to ignore the facts, and I've been able to for a couple of weeks. But if I don't accept certain things now, it'll only make it harder when others know those facts, too.
I know this is all terribly vague, and it's intended to be so, for reasons mostly out of my control at this point. It's just that I can easily list a dozen things that I have to do/will happen in the next four days that are going to hurt deeply and will likely hurt others deeply. Yep, pretty much rips my heart out to think about it. I almost feel sorry for the year 2008; what a dismal way to begin.
And, yet, Jesus is the Author of my salvation. I cling to that truth, however mystified I am about where the future is headed. Sigh. Has anyone read about Much-Afraid in Hind's Feet on High Places? It was exactly the story I needed at this point in time (and I read it in one sitting on the airplane) and so often I just wanted to cry, because I can see myself through those pages and I realize how many facts I need to face in my spirituality, too. Ouch again.
Oh Lord, Plant the seed of Love in my heart. Teach me Acceptance-with-Joy and Bearing-the-Cost. Make my feet like the deers'. I sacrifice my will on these feeble altars. Be my Savior, and I will follow you wherever you go.
Pray for me as I walk hand in hand with both Sorrow and Suffering,
Blessings in the new year
Betsy
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1 comment:
my prayers are with you darling -- you know that!!
i'll see you in a couple hours =)
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