Raise your hopeful voice!

I find myself begining to "want to want" more. It's exciting. I feel like something is emerging out of my heart again... that telltale joy that belongs to my name. Studying for the Jubilee Fellows midterm actually did turn out to be a blessing. Looking at a few of the articles and books again got me excited for the things the authors were saying. There is deep passion within the Church, and it needs to be unleashed. I've also been introduced to one of the best books I've come across in a long time. It's called Breathing Space by Heidi Neumark, and it's a memoir about her pastoral ministry in the South Bronx. Her writing style is absolutely so beautiful and eloquent, and the metaphors that she uses are just breathtaking. I love it. And I'm only on page 12! (Heidi, you would LOVE this book if you haven't read it already. I already want to talk to you about some of the stuff the author says!) This book is one of the options for a book review for J.Fellows and I'm SO glad Coop recommended it! It has been a long time since an author spoke "my language" and appealed to me as much as Neumark has already! I'm thrilled.

My heart has been given reprieve this week. Sunday started off difficult since I spent a long time writing a letter I wasn't sure I wanted to send (I haven't--yet). Talking about it with my mentor, Heidi, the next day was incredibly helpful. She articulated to me what kind of person I am, and how I respond to misunderstandings of my own character by others. We talked about when a clarification needs to be made (and how one should make it) and also about letting go. I didn't really intend to "let go" of some of the things that I felt misunderstood about, but acknowledging what was going on in the deep regions of my heart and soul was like opening a window and ventilating those spaces. I get it now. I get why it bothered me so much, I get why I felt the impulse to say something about it, I get why God can sometimes call us to step up and set the record straight. But I also get that it's not the end of the world. Without intending to, I've been able to grasp things a little less tightly and feel some actual freedom from that. I know that God knows my character and that He understands the injustice I felt. Even if I never say anything to those who I felt hurt by directly, I know that the experience is already shaping how I might approach others in a simliar situation. I know what needs to be added to a certain conversation the Church is having (or needs to be having). At any rate, I'm becoming "unstuck," to use Heidi's term. :) Hallelujah. Again, from Psalm 116-- Be at rest, oh my Soul.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
-Psalm 116:1,7


Betsy Joy