Jonah didn't get it, either.

31 August 2008
Jonah didn't get it, either.
Lately God has been speaking to me about something. I keep agreeing with Him, and then I put it off or ignore it altogether. And God gives me the grace to go back to Him, but then after I commit I end up screwing up again. But, as I learned in church this morning, God's grace is persistent and will meet us where we're at--even at the depths of the sea (literally, for Jonah: the Fish called Grace rescued him there.)

Yet God's call is persistent, too. So with every time He reaches for me again, He sets me on my feet towards this goal. And, as if I expect the call to vanish after enough times of me messing up, I'm actually surprised that I'm still pointed there.

I know this is vague. And the funny thing is, this "call" is much more than any one specific thing. It's God's call to me to return to the changes and thought processes that I started developing in California. Some of them include things about friendships with various persons, other things include a need to be actively involved with Justice and the Christian community, and still others are deeply personal issues that haven't been resolved even after months of "dealing with it".

But as you see, I'm still quite imperfect when it comes to this journey. It's hard. It really sucks right now. I'm worried about money and other things that are quite distracting; I really need God to take my hand and quiet me so I can watch Him work and pull everything into place.

I was just going back to my summer blog about my internship in California and it was like reading about a dream I had. It's so far removed from my present life[style] that it's hard to believe I ever was there. But reading about it helped; reading about the joys and struggles and progress I made while I was there was both encouraging and challenging.

Because, like Jonah, God has set me feet on His path and is directing me towards Him. This morning I ended up at Monroe Community Church in downtown Grand Rapids, and it was like I'd been going there for weeks. I'm fairly certain that's where I will be worshipping and growing in the coming weeks and plugging into. I'm excited. Even though my relationship with God is a bit tense, I'm relieved to know that He is still moving in my life.

I'll be ready for classes to start a week from tomorrow. I work Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday this week in addition to plans on Wednesday, so it's going to be a full week until then. It feels good to be back on campus with old friends coming round to say hello, and I think this year will be very different than last year--at least, I hope it will be.

Betsy