Overdue for a real update

The nice thing about keeping a blog is that it's easy for me to know when I need to slow down and process. I noticed that I haven't really given myself a good time to just write for a while, especially since Senior year is obviously a pivital point in my life and I'm really turning towards the future whether I like it or not. (I usually like it.)

I'm a little less thrilled with classes and the school routine as I was a couple of weeks ago. I'm back to the point where getting up in the morning is a chore; usually an indication that the school year is back in full swing! ;) The homework load is certainly manageble. It helps a lot that I can read my adolescent literature books in one sitting on the weekends! :) My classes do continue to challenge me and shape my worldview, as they should.

My greatest joy and delight is going to church these days. I have absolutely fallen in love with Monroe Community Church. I have made some good friends already and look forward to deepening those friendships in the coming months. I'm hoping to take a trip out to Rehoboth, NM, next January with a group from there, but we'll see how that goes. Going to church on Sunday and reconnecting and getting refreshed puts everything else to a good start. I can hardly wait for Sunday morning services! And next week should be exciting, too, as Cathy, Julia, Eric and I have a rematch for the PingPong champs! I smiled last Sunday as I flipped back through the journal that I've been making sermon and scripture notes in since SERVE week-- I had created a "things to do as a result of SERVE" list, and finding a home church when I got back to GR was on there-- with a little note that said "Monroe community church?" right above it. God sure planned that one! I feel incredibly blessed. I'm looking forward to the HarvestFest in a couple weeks! It should be great! I'm planning on helping out with it in any way I can.


Let's see... what else?


Being single is hard. That's all I want to say about that.


I mentioned that I've been thinking about the future. In that light, I've found out where I'll be student teaching next fall! I'm really excited to have that puzzle piece in place and I feel great about the placement. Hallelujah! :) Right now I'm a bit frustrated that I won't be graduating next spring, and I feel a little anxious about my full schedule the following fall. Not sure what I'll be doing next summer, but hoepfully (please oh please!) something interesting! Maybe another internship--this one at MCC? hehe. :) As for when I finish in December '09, who knows what could happen. Teach For America? Teaching in Ethiopia? Finding a job in Colorado or California? Who knows! :) But I've got options and I'm excited to peruse them.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him, all creatures here below!
Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts!
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!
Amen!

bjv

Lord Let Your Glory Fall (By The Tree)

You are good
And your love endures

You are good
And your love endures

You are good
And your love endures
Today

Lord let your glory fall
As on that ancient day
Songs of enduring love
And in your glory came

And as a sign to you
That we would love the same
Our hearts will sing that song
Lord let your glory come

(Chorus)
You are good
You are good
And your love endures

You are good
You are good
And your love endures

You are good
You are good
And your love endures
Today

Voices in unison
Giving you thanks and praise
Join mighty instruments
And in your glory came

Your presence like a cloud
Upon that ancient day
The priests were overwhelmed
Because your glory came

(Chorus) 2X

A sacrifice was made
And then your fire came
They knelt upon the ground
And with one voice they prayed

(Chorus)



Not sure why I've been posting so many lyrics lately. But this is an incredible song that I learned two years ago in Scotland at Glasgow WestEnd Vineyard. I'd love for anyone to learn to play it so I can sing it properly again!

Betsy

Falling Slowly

This is one of my favorite songs (from the soundtrack "Once") and it's so relaxing. The whole soundtrack is good to play while doing homework! :)


I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Yay for Church!

I know, I know. Every week I say this: I LOVE Monroe Community Church! I mean, really. How many places do you know have a pingpong table that's basically IN the sanctuary? ;)

Not only was worship incredible this morning (thanks in part to Jeremiah, who was so into it) and a unique approach to a sermon message--but the community there is just awesome. It's a much needed blessing and I've been meeting some really great people through it. A few of us just started up a pingpong game after the service, and then Julie came over and invited me to go to Qdoba with a group. I was definitely up for that! I didn't know how to get there so Eric W., a fantastic keyboardist, drove for us. The six (and a half-- Jeremiah and Julie have a 1 year old) of us hung out there for probably more than an hour. (I admit that Kathleen and I were playing with Eric's supercool iPhone for most of it.) Then on the way back Eric and I stopped at Schulers for a bit. Now I'm finally back to Calvin, and I'm trying to decide whether to buckle down and work on stuff or to get back out at 5pm for a small group at Henry and Amy's house... toughie. I really want to go.

I learned a new song today that just struck me so deeply:
Praise You in This Storm (words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms)

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth



Singing this song was so freeing. It captured the emotions I'd felt in the last year and gave me a way to articulate my gratefulness towards God's faithfulness. For some reason, the line "And every tear that I've cried You hold in Your hand" literally brought tears to my eyes just singing it. It was so beautiful, and it reminded me that God saw and heard me during all those nights I cried myself to sleep last semester out of the pain and frustration of what I was going through. And He has brought me to a new place, a re-newed place.

You know, even though I'm still "walking in the "wilderness" (Think "Blessed be Your Name") I know that the "streams of abundance [DO] flow" and that I'm moving towards the "land of plentiful." I came to a certain quietness in my soul this morning, a distinct peacefullness-- and in coming to that place I realized how full of anxiety and unsettledness I'd had before. I really need to work on that-- letting the living water (the Ravah?) flow deep in my soul. Before church this morning, I felt so much anxiety about receiving my student placement tomorrow. Now, I feel prepared to receive it and accept it wholeheartedly. I know so deeply that teaching is what the Lord has called me to, that it's my passion, that nothing in the world gets me going so much as the thought of teaching (in God's name, of course!) :) I'm ready.

I needed to "vent" and express some of God's goodness to me lately, and I've hardly scratched the surface. But let it be known that I am delighted in what life brings to me these days-- whether it be school, opportunities to serve, my church community and new friendships, or finding joy in the little things-- and that I'm continuting to move towards a better place. "Stagnant" is not a word I would use to describe my life right now-- praise God for that. :)

Much love & blessings!
Betsy

Senior Year (Semester 1 of 3)

What I know about being a senior in college:

You're really busy. All the time. And if you're not busy, you're procrastinating.



Surprisingly, at the moment I am not actually that busy and I'm not really procrastinating, either. I have a couple hours until my night class, and all my readings are done already. I just wrapped up the last parts of my Jubilee Fellows report (read: portfolio/project/thingy that is massive because of all the parts we had to include!) so I'm currently basking in the relief of having all of the paperwork completed. It's also a beautiful day today, so that's been a real blessing, too. With all the rain we've had lately, I forgot how good it felt to sit in the sunshine. My friend Mary and I ate our sack (Tupperware?) lunches out on the Commons lawn today and had a good long conversation about the new academic year.

Speaking of which, I couldn't be more delighted with my classes this semester. The professors are great, and many of them have started to treat us like colleagues rather than students. I can't believe how far I've come academically since I started as a Freshman! I can't believe how well I've done, either. That was a surprise! :)

I want to be content. I want contentment in my "season of singlehood" but I also want contentment in this moment, in my studying, in my reflections and in my worship. I'm not talking about the apathetic kind of "contentment", either. The contentment I long for doesn't have anything to do with sitting back and letting the world go by and remaining uninvolved because I'm stuck in a rut. Rather, it's just the opposite: it's contentment that would allow me to be fully present in this moment, now, without needing anything to supplement it. It's a contentment that leads to action, because I'm aware and ready to go. It's a contentment with the identity that God has given me, and a contentment in HIS call for me over my own preferences. (See the distinction?)

Can't complain. Life is, as they say, good.

I'm a different, but more grounded, person than I was last year. I am refreshed. :) Renewed, even, to use Calvin mantra!


Betsy

I was reading an article in a grad school magazine about keeping yourself healthy--especially mentally-- while focusing on school. It was pretty interesting; also pretty relevant to the kind of work I'll need to do this year as a Senior, particularly with the intense focus on student teaching next spring. I guess what surprised me most was not the suggestions for ways to stay organized but the emphasis on taking breaks: to have a rhythmn.

I definitely do not have a rhythmn to my life at this point. Whirlwind is more like it: I've hit the ground running when I landed back in Grand Rapids and it's been a lot of stress trying to figure out finances for this first tuition payment, putting in a lot of long hours at the Prince Conference Center, and getting things ready for school.

On the other hand, I feel like I've been doing nothing at all. There's a kind of stagnance to the lulls, and I don't know what to do with myself. Emotionally, I'm still struggling with the same lack of confidence in myself, and the way that plays out in my relationships with others--but that has gotten a lot better since last year. Spiritually, however, I feel like so much of what happened in California was just a dream. I want to get back into things, especially back into 2nd Corinthians (Heidi, what was the name of that commentary again?) but it's like I've just resorted back to the self I was before I left. I have to remember the things God has been speaking to me about and recommit myself to those things here, too. Grand Rapids needs Deep Justice as well, and part of the challenge is to recognize where.

I'm looking forward to church on Sunday. Monroe Community is going to be a significant gift and blessing in my life; I can see it already. It reminds me of the way I jumped into the community at Glasgow West End Vineyard... what an amazing thing to arrive in a foriegn city and find welcome at that church--and to remain going to that church there all 13ish weeks that I lived in Glasgow. That's kind of what I'd like to do with MCC-- stick with it and get involved and let the Holy Spirit teach me through their community life as the HS did with me in Glasgow.

Oh! Virginia, our third person, has moved into the apartment-- Kim, my roommate, is moving in on Friday. It'll be interesting to have all of us here and to find my way through the dynamics. I've never lived with any of these girls before, so it might be a bit of a challenge! But one of my goals this semester is to expand my social horizons and meet some new people and invest in community life.

It was good to talk to Heidi today, over a late breakfast at Real Food Cafe, and express some of the joys that have been happening in my--our!--life lately. I'm excited for her and the road that she'll be taking in the coming months, and it's always so good to share with her. She's an amazing mentor and friend. :)

I'm tired. Luckily I get to sleep in without an alarm tomorrow--for the only time all week... I probably won't have that option again for a while! :) I love taking naps though, that always helps. I almost said "I'm such a two-year-old" with the way I love naps, but then I remembered that my niece, Maryn, has not been taking her naps lately! hehe. :)

Betsy