Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Praise Him, all creatures here below!

Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts!

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!

Amen.




So many questions, long questions, were answered today in an instant.

I'm a member of the Barnabas Team for next year.
Hello, my name is Betsy. I'm your Barnabas Team leader for this year. You can call me BarnaBetsy"


I'll admit, I had been discouraged in the last couple weeks from not having been accepted in Project Neighborhood, and not getting the research job I'd hoped for. I was frustrated from all the opportunities I was qualified for and there simply being too many applicants. I had been in tears over the last two times I'd been turned down, and I braced myself for a third. I was ready for resignation. And then I got the email.
After an incredibly difficult and complex process, having many candidates apply, it is with great pleasure...


I'm still blown away. It's been a couple of hours since that email, and friends have come in and congratulated me, affirming that I'll be good at the job. But (without trying to sound cliche or cheesy here) I am simply humbled. I am so humbled. God has been revealing this to me since last summer in small ways....

This is an excerpt from an entry I wrote last November, while I was in Scotland. It is one of the most clear signs to me that God was prompting me towards leadership this coming year:

...Finally, the last passage is one of the 10 commandments: You shall not covet. This is one of the internal commandments, because no one really knows whether or not you've broken it. Jamie explained that this is so important to bear in mind, because when you have found your place in God, you wouldn't WANT to have anything or be anyone else.

While this is humbling, this is also incredibly encouraging. It affirms the believers that God loves them for exactly who they are, and wants to use them for exactly who they are. Indeed, growth and maturity must happen, but in one's OWN context, not being compared to everyone else!

It was an example of a question we might ask ourselves that Jamie threw out there that really made me realize that this message had everything to do with me.

"Why should I go into leadership? Others are better than me!"

This has been my foolish question over the last few weeks. I've already mentioned that I've been feeling compelled to go into leadership and ministry in some way next year. Yet, I've been kind of skeptical, cautious, afraid of what I might be getting into. I've looked at other people who have done Barnabas in the past, and compared to them I feel small, insignificant, immature, and entirely unprepared to take on that kind of role. What a fool I've been! Have I forgotten the witty but very true expression that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called"?

After the service I asked for prayer. The woman who prayed with me was very affirming. (I wish I had that prayer written down to remind me of the love of God in my life!) She thanked God for who I was, for this inheritance (there's that word again!) and the blessings in my life. She asked for direction and leading and everything else essential to this journey. It was wonderful to be affirmed like that. I was encouraged.

But even now I'm feeling rather doubtful, even though I think I'm pretty sure I know what I'll be applying for come February. We'll see what God has in store. I'm just trusting him, now.

Oy! Strength and encouragement, maturity and growth! Humility and wisdom.... Just a few things I need and long for.


So. As you can see, this is a huge transition for me. I have now moved from my season of preparation to a new season of leadership and ministry. Significant, yes. Scary, too. It is my vocation. But as Thomas Merton writes, in No Man is an Island:

The one thing that really decides a vocation is the ability to make a firm decision to embrace a certain state of life and to act on that decision.

If a person can never make up his mind, never firmly resolve to do what is demanded in order to follow a vocation, one can say that in all probability he has not received that vocation. The vocation may have been offered him: but that is something no one can decided with certainty. Whether or not he is resisting grace, the fact seems to be that he is "not called." But a calm and definite decision that is not deterred by obstacles and not broken by opposition is a good sign that God has given His grace to answer His call, and that he has corresponded to it.

In deciding a vocation, one normally consults a spirutal director. His function is to give advice, encouragement, suggestions, and help. He may in certain cases forbid a person to carry out the idea of becoming a priest or a religious. But if he judges that a person can prudently follow a vocation, it remains for that person himself to make the final decision. No one, not even a director or confessor, not even an ecclesiastical superior, can decide for him. He must decide himself, since his own decision is the expression of his vocation. If he then applies for admission to a seminary or monastary [or for Barnabas!], and if his application is accepted, he can say that he probably "has a vocation." *


I've seen this in my own life, multiple times. My awareness is heightened by the fact that I recognize God using my dreams (the real ones, the "realistic" ones that I'm actually able to follow through on, like going to Euroquest back in 2004, or going to Scotland, or dating a guy long distance) to point me towards my vocations. The result is two-fold-- God places me where I need to be, and I'm blessed to be there since it's what I've dreamed of doing. It's a good working relationship.


I have so much growth. I must be humble. I cannot do this job single-handedly. The only way I'll be able to get through next year is by the Grace of God.


♥
betsy joy