Today is February 15th. My dad would have been 56 today! And each year since his death, I've done little things to remind myself (and often, reminding others) of his life. Sometimes these things include a rose on his grave, or to visit the church he worked at, or going through a box of his things to look one more at his drivers license picture, his wallet, various papers marking the progress through his life and death.
Changing my profile picture and status on FB is a tiny thing to do compared to the loss that I've experienced, but it helps me remember him. Frederick Buechner, in his book Telling Secrets, describes the way he forgot altogether what his dad was like because no one ever talked about it.
Writing this blog post to reflect on these things I do helps me remember the reasons why I do those things.
It's the little things we do, that help us remember the past by, not by erecting a monument in my dad's honor. It's the way I honor him in my life every day-- from the dreams I'm pursuing, the involvement at my church, getting on the Dean's list (again!)--that would make my dad proud. And so I go ahead and change my profile picture to the one of us wearing silly hats in Key West, because that's a memory (bittersweet as it is) that I can remember and smile at. There are other memories, too, trapped into poems and pictures that are not so happy, and today is not the day for remembering those. Some other time, some other October.
I miss you, Dad. I love you. Happy Birthday.
Betsy
2 comments:
(((((Betsy)))))
He is so proud of you up there eating strawberry shortcake :)
Wow, you were blonde!
that's cuz it's my brother. Zach, I think... it's a picture where my dad looks most like how I remember him from my childhood so I posted it. I'm the one in the family with the dark eyes and dark hair. ;)
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