Weird teaching dreams (NOT the ambitions kind!)

Two days before I start my student teaching, and I'm starting to have teaching dreams. Ack!

I dreamt that I was at a huge school, and it was my first day. This place was enormous... and it was totally disorganized. The kids basically had the run of the school. In my dream, I don't think there was actually any classroom instruction, because the teachers really didn't know what to do. 

In one of the hallways (which looked vaguely like HCHS, lol), the teacher showing me around was terrified of the students, even though they appeared to be pretty normal kids. I remember I was telling her "You know, we're older than them, smarter than them, we can run faster and farther than them... well, most of them." (Gee, what a line.) 

Then there were other parts of the building, though, which were like a castle, with rooms that were dark and unused. As one teacher said "Hey! Where were you?" He just looked at her sheepishly and said "I was talking to Anna." The teacher said "Who's that, your girlfriend?" which didn't seem entirely appropriate to say. But just then, another kid said "Hey look! There are the Bedtime Boys!" 

You should have seen it (not that I really was, but this is still all in my dream)-- in this dark room with a pingpong table, these middle-school-aged boys had totally set up a fort underneath and around the table, and had gone unnoticed for what was probably weeks. They had pillows and cushions and blankets everywhere. The light got turned on, and the boys scrambled to escape. But the other teacher and I tried to get them to stand in a line where we could see them... and then I woke up (thanks Meghan... just kidding!) 

Oh, but I forgot to tell you about the playground. The property went for miles, and the school was at one corner of it. There really weren't any structures to play on, just an enormous sheet of old blacktop that desperately needed resurfacing. And oh, the chalk. There were drawings everywhere. Not the "oh, cool, kids are using their imaginations" kind of drawings, it was mostly just lines from here to there, to walk along. (The kids didn't listen, big surprise.) It felt horrible. Blacktop and chalk. These kids just didn't play. I remember wanting to get the whole thing resurfaced and paint some real lines that they couldn't mess with down, and some other things too like four-square or the USA, or something like what I had as a kid, to actually play with. 

Then there were the teachers. I kind of mentioned they seemed incompetent, but it was mostly out of fear. But sometimes they were as bad as the kids. There were a group of teachers hanging around a thing that looked like an above-ground pool with no water in it (about the size of a hot tub, but with the shape of half an egg, all rounded with no ladder or steps) and the things they were saying were stupid, joking about this thing with all of these kids hanging around listening (and would probably try it out when the teachers weren't around).  Seriously, the maturity of the teachers was hardly more than these students, which seemed to range K-12.

Yeah. Weird, huh? I don't know what this is supposed to tell me, especially going in for my first day on Monday. Thank goodness my placement will be more structured than THIS school. But when I was "there," in my dream, I felt like I knew what the place needed, that it was simply a matter of establishing structure and getting a staff with backbone. The kids weren't all that bad, they just had been running it their way. Interesting. 

Well, the smell of cinnamon rolls is getting me moving. :) 

Betsy

Quiet Mornings.

Ten o'clock light in the winter is still soft, quietly unobtrusive,
yet she stretches her fingertips out across the table
and tiptoes into the hallway.

Outside, the snow is dusted with
a layer of tiny sparkles; in the yard,
a web of tracks criss-cross from one end to the other.
Our deer friends, our nocturnal visitors, have been busy.
(Just last night around eleven, I walked into the kitchen and gasped
--straight ahead, looking straight back at me, was a lovely doe.)
In the tree are three mourning doves, two of them sitting together
with beaks tucked in behind, trying hard to ignore the cold.
Another flock of birds fly towards the sun, dark wings
a contrast to the pale sky. No wind, just the movement of birds.
Bare trees stand tall and still, frozen.


I sit cross-legged at the kitchen table, a red speckled mug
cooling with the remains of hot chocolate. I savor the chocolate,
but I savor this precious quietness more:
(and, as if on cue with my words, the humming of the refrigerator ceases).
I stop to correct my spelling of refrigerator. The only sound is the click click click
of the keyboard and the voice in my head that narrates the words as they come--
I haven't thought about what they will be, only read them in my head as they appear.
If I could put this morning in a bottle, I would put it in my pocket and save it
for those moments in loud, dirty traffic, or for the anxiety of a hospital room, or maybe just as a gift...

A gift. Indeed, this is a gift. My Creator rested, and all Creation sighs in relief and follows suit.

Amen, amen, amen.

Perks of being an aunt:

"Bye, Tyler! I love you!"

(short pause)

"I love you too, Aunt Betsy!"

"I love you more!"

"I love you too!"

"See ya later!"

(in exactly the same tone:)
"See ya later!"


Tyler can be pretty mischievous at times, especially being the boy with two sisters. He often gets away with more than he should. Tonight, while he still looked at me with a glint in his eye when I asked him for the 10th time to Please Not Touch My Computer Screen, for much of the night he was uncharacteristically cuddly. He sat with me for quite a while as I checked my email and he watched the Rudolf movie. At nearly three years old, the triplets are a delight and entertainment. Sure, they have their moments, but we're so glad to have them around. :)


I had a very good day, except for almost being late for church (let's just say I'm grateful no cops were out!) I had been thinking about ways to become more involved at MCC, now that Rehoboth is behind us and I'm looking forward to having a full year--all 12 months of 2009-- to spend with this church family. A few longings have been on my heart for weeks now, and I finally started paying attention to them. And, as cliche as it sounds, a verse on the Christian radio station brought me to a place where I could articulate them after the service and see that yes, maybe God was prompting me to pursue that route.

The passage was Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.


I realized that it was exactly what I needed to hear:
that I needed to indeed trust God with my heart, even when I'm still afraid (even after all the times He has answered my heart's desires!) of disappointment;
that even though I couldn't foresee how it would work out, I needed to not lean on my own understanding;
that it was time to acknowledge what God has been doing in my life and acknowledge these dreams He has given me;
and finally, to let Him make the way forward and follow Him.

The sermon today was a perfect followup, too. It was all about Coit, so again, God's timing was impeccable, as it always is. I have learned so much in the past weeks, and He has affirmed and reaffirmed His love to me in countless ways. I hear Him asking me now, "Do you Love me? Do you really Agape me? Betsy, will you love me unconditionally?" and I want to answer that with Yes!

I come broken, though. I come as a vessel with impurities and imperfect contents. But the Lord has cleansed me and filled me with unbounding Joy. Sometimes I can even feel a bit embarrassed by the energy it gives me, but when Love and Joy come freely, who can resist it? If you knew my past and sins, you would also be amazed at the transformation that my precious Jesus has brought me through. This IS the power of the cross, He IS the beautiful one I love, the one I adore: my soul shall sing.


Betsy

PS. I get PostSecrets every Sunday, and the last one today made me laugh, if not a bit surprised and curious! ;)


http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

More thoughts on the Shack.

I've been doing a lot of thinking today about The Shack. I had a while to think about it on the drive home, anyway. I recalled the passage about living in the present, and felt that to be quite applicable to my life right now. I'd say it's one of my favorite passages.

One thing that came up in a conversation with my friend Kim (who hasn't read it, but has heard an earful about it) was the emphasis on relationship vs. law. The more I thought about it, and about the particular sins that have infiltrated my life and my connection (or rather, disconnection) to the Church because of them, I realized that yes, it IS about the relationship, and for many people, the Law is the same thing as the Institution. It's not, but for many (including me) that can be such a barrier.

When I sinned, confessed, and was consequently 'expelled' from the close knit community I had been a part of (and, sadly, it was because of the security of that community that I felt free to confess), I felt completely betrayed by the Church and its believers. And in a way, I had been-- but it was the institution that was run by a different paradigm of leadership than I believed that the Church was run by. (Whether or not I'm "right" about that is besides the point. I'm just telling you how I felt and perceived it, which is not so far off from what most people, believers or not, would feel.)

Basically, it comes down to the point that when I needed to be embraced by community and held accountable in solid relationship with others, I was made to leave them behind and try to "get better" on my own. I had been cleansed and redeemed-- but that didn't seem to matter: the Sin still held power in my life. I certainly needed healing, time and space, but there was no structure for that. After all, being in leadership is about being the best possible example, right? (Not really, actually. I've discovered that leadership is living life authentically and allowing others to see into the way that God works grace in your life. Being the first to the alter to lay it all before the Lord is true leadership. How can you ask others to confess if you, yourself, have not?) Ultimately, fixing things on my own didn't work, and I spiraled back into a place of sin and darkness, worse off than before the confession. While the Institution had good intentions (as it always does), it lacked the essential relationship. Bonhoeffer talks about exactly this in his last chapter of Life Together. Looking back on the last year and a half, I can see that the most growth has blossomed in the last five months. Why? Hm. I have been engaged with a healthy community. People. Relationships. Life & Love.

And that is what I think Young wants to point out about the law and relationship. Yes: God's laws for us are a model and guide for us to live. Yes, they point the to the ways that we can be in better relationship with Him. But it's still all about the relationship. When we hold others to the Law, rather than in relationship with the kind of "expectancy" Young also talks about, we fail them and ourselves. I think the struggle comes because engaging in real relationship is often counterintuitive. It embraces when instincts want to hold at arms length. This is how Jesus got into a lot of trouble, I think, with the Pharisees and the Teachers of the Law. The woman who knelt at Christ's feet and wiped them clean with her tears, hair and perfume? Not exactly someone you'd want to hold in relationship-- it would be far easier to leave it with the Law. And granted, her following the Law would probably help; but when it comes down to it, Christ knows her sin and loves her anyway. And that's what He did for me, and what He does for you. So let's not take it lightly. Young is right to emphasize it in his book.

That's a lot of processing.

I'm not even done with the book yet.

But I would like to add that I am so grateful for the wonderful relationships God has blessed me with, especially with a dear friend of mine. She and i have had a meeting of minds and of hearts, as they say. Both at a transitional point in our lives, we are able to talk openly and freely. It's truly holy conversation. For years we've wanted to meet regularly and pray for each other, but my spiritual maturity and open schedule have not often been on the same page. But now, at this pivotal point in our lives, we plan to meet weekly over coffee and talk about life. I am so excited for it!

This is the life I have been longing for. I have found such fullness in Christ, and the deeper I go, the better it gets, and the more I realize how much further I have to go! There is such joy in my heart these days. My Abba, my friend, my savior, my creative spirit-- all that God is to me-- has truly redeemed my life from the pit and placed me on the higher ground. Hallelujah!


betsy <3

Dunes

Yesterday I went to Saugatuck Dunes to see the ice on Lake Michigan. If you've never done that, it's an amazing sight. It gets me every time. Here's a preview:


The reason I ventured out there was to take pictures of this phenomenon in order to capture something unique about the place where I grew up. I have some good memories of hiking out to see the ice with my dad as a kid, and again when he was sick. I was inspired to do a poetry lesson on the idea of "place" after reading a book I bought while out in New Mexico, called Blue Horses Rush In by Luci Tapahonso.



So yes. I have still been reading, even though not as diligently as I planned to originally. I thought I would be able to read while in New Mexico, or at least during the 60 hours(!) I was in the van getting to and from New Mexico, but it just didn't happen. But I still have this last week to read a few more books, and on top of my list is The Shack.



Before you rush to tell me that you've read it, I'm aware that generally everyone has read it except for me. ;) I've heard about it for months, since Rosewood Church did a bookstudy on it during Summer Family Nights, and have been meaning to read it... but it just never happened. But when Pastor Henry sent out an email earlier this week about the upcoming sermon series that will draw from the book, I finally felt inclined to put it at the top of my list and read it already. I'm about halfway through.

I'm aware of its controversiality, but so far I can see why people are drawn to it. It offers something different than what is generally "assumed" (and not all what we "assume" as Christianity is Truth!) and gets at a small place in the heart that has imagined the things that this author articulates. I think Young is right in that God wants to be known, but so often our own perceptions of God and of His Truth box him up into something that He isn't. While I don't think Young would argue that the "right" view of God is X, Y and Z, I think he is arguing that we can't imagine what God is truly like, so we need to let God be God and worship Him (or Her! -wink- Why doesn't the English language have a gender-neutral pronoun!? Although the colloquial "they" would be appropriate here...) um, where was I? Ah yes: and worship God in a fuller, unrestrained, uncertain sense. Not that God wants us to blindly follow Him (now I'm conscious of that pronoun!)--- we have Jesus, given to us in the flesh, and who will always be human with us. I think Young is onto something there, too... We'll just have to see where it goes.

Not all of these things are conclusions made from reading half of a work of fiction about it. I've been thinking about these things since high school, and it's nice to be reading something that echoes a few of my suspicions about the aforementioned "assumed" truths. I had a teacher who basically suggested that, as an act of worship and meditation, we think of God as other than Father or male. (Jesus himself refers to God as a mother hen in Matthew 23:37- "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.")

In college, too, I have been challenged in how I perceive God, especially during my Doctrine of Christ and Reconciliation course with Professor Schneider. I learned a lot, and allowed myself to become more open to listening to other perspectives --from Christians!--that didn't necessarily fit within the framework of the CRC. I don't "collect" theological ideas and put them in a box, but I do take into consideration how this idea helps me to understand the world, or other people's view of the world. This is true for the issues that Young is talking about in the book. Some people are quick to write him off because he is suggesting idolatry or universalism, but it would be worth taking the time to hear him out, because it helps to understand our critics, both within Christian scholarship and from the world. I heard an excellent January Series lecture on Thursday, from the guy who wrote UnChristian, David Kinnaman. He reminded us that Jesus uses the world to keep the Church accountable. Yes, it's worth listening to what others are saying. I think reading The Shack with an open mind is one way to do that.


In other news, I start student teaching on February 2. I couldn't be more excited! :) I'm sure you'll hear plenty of stories in the coming months about my adventures in the classroom.

Betsy

Extending Grace

... and receiving it.

Tonight I "volunteered" (meaning that you could call it that, but it wasn't really) at Hope Lodge, which is a place for people with cancer to stay while in Grand Rapids for treatments. Tonight I helped make a really yummy "breakfast for dinner" meal of waffles, eggs, sausage and fruit and then ate with the residents and their caregivers. After that, a bunch of us played a hilarious game of euchre. It went so well, a couple of us are going back on Saturday night to play more games. It is "easy" for me to go and "serve" in this way, but really it's a gift for me to be able to hang out with people talking about chemo, radiation, good days vs. bad days, and to reconnect with that part of my life when my dad was sick.

Not that I really want to remember that pain, but I know that I did not give my dad much grace during those years. It was hard on all of us, yes, but as a teenager struggling to forge my own identity, I didn't really take advantage of my dad's last years. So, in a way, it's healing for me to play cards with these people with cancer, because as a more mature young woman, I can offer the company that was so hard for me to give to my dad when he was sick. It makes me miss my dad, yes. But not so much that I can't go to Hope Lodge and have a good time. :)


Betsy

I've been busy in my life.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii and danced on a lava cliff with the roar of the Pacific below
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice <- I've BEEN to Venice... but no $ to ride the gondolas :(
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors <- I don't think landing in the Amsterdam airport counts...
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive in theater
55. Been in a movie <- Does BBC's version of Candid Camera count? ;)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life 
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I saw this on a friend's blog and decided to show off a bit. I've done a few of these ;) 

Betsy

Out and about.... to New Mexico!

Gone to Rehoboth. Be back in a week. :)

Love & Blessings

Betsy



PS. Don't forget about my other blogs!
http://mcc-rehoboth.blogspot.com
http://where-is-betsy.blogspot.com

The Cloister Walk, cont.

I keep returning to this book; it's like a much needed conversation. I would consider Kathleen Norris a "literary mentor," something I take rather seriously. Her writing speaks to me in a quiet, easy way. Sitting here in Panera bread, with a coffee handy (although the dark blend is not my favorite) it's almost like she's sitting across from me, sharing anecdotes from her life and quietly looking into my eyes, waiting for me to make the connections.

I'm glad I had the chance to meet Ms. Norris. She doesn't look like an author, nor a benedictine oblate, nor anything else you might characterize her as. She's just a normal person. Her normality is almost as striking as the first time I saw a picture of Thomas Merton: he looked nothing like a monk. There are authors out there who glamorize themselves as authors-- or at least come off as something "other" than us, the reader. (To me, Lauren Winner comes off that way in person. She's been around Calvin a time or two for me to make that observation.) While I appreciate LW almost as much as KN or TM, she just doesn't make the cut into a rich readerly relationship. I wonder if anyone knows what I mean.


Kathleen Norris:

Thomas Merton:

Lauren Winner:

Disclaimer: I know that my pictures are rather biased, seeing as how I had the whole internet's worth to choose from. But these pictures still vaguely represent how I, their reader, sees them as when I relate to the text.


And yet, for all their necessary "ordinariness" of Norris and Merton, their lives have been truly extraordinary. Maybe it's because I'm fascinated with monastic life and communities, I don't know. But Kathleen Norris repeatedly talks about the "necessary other" which is intimately connected with the role of the prophet and poet. This "necessary other" is the one able to step out of the framework of society and take a long, hard look, and spell it out to the rest of us in prophecies and poetry. I have always been astounded by the astute clarity that Merton provides in his work No Man Is An Island, and I think this whole idea of the "necessary other" is what allows him to do that. Kathleen Norris, too, but in a way that straddles our world and the monastic community, bridging us at the most important points. If I were a Benedictine, I would probably get as much--or more-- out of what Norris has to say, and her reflections on the Christian calendar. Even though I've learned so much (about monasteries, about saints, about tradition, and about myself, too) there's something deeply meditative about her work that brings me to a level of Mystery. She walks with the reader like a guide to a Heavenly dwelling, saying "Look here. See this aspect of God's splendor? Let's stay a minute and let you take it all in." Then we move on, slowly, contemplatively. Every time I pick up one of their books, it's seeing tradition made new.

Merton talks about that, too. (I like to quote him, can you tell? I re-read him every year and then some, and bought that book in 2005!)
Tradition, which is always old, is at the same time ever new because it is always reviving—born again in each new generation, to be lived and applied in a new and particular way... Tradition is creative. Always original, it always opens out new horizons for an old journey... Tradition teaches us how to love, because it develops and expands our powers, and shows us how to give ourselves the world in which we live, in return for all that we have received from it. (N.M.I. 151)

This idea of tradition is manifested in their writings. It's a way of reviving something very old and very valuable, like monasticism, and making it relevant to a layperson like me.

Enough of praising these lovely writers. It's obvious I recommend them, isn't it?

I wish for company, though. For someone else to join me at this table who knows and respects Norris as I do, and to sit and talk about different aspects in this book and talk about the why behind it all. I want someone to take it all in with. I'm just a third through. It's a book to take in bits, over time, to mull over. There is a chapter that I have in mind for a Calvin prof or two to read--one that I think an Education program could learn a lot from. Even though it took a few tries to get into it, it comes more easily now. I was much too rushed before, I wanted plot or action, a story-- and it didn't seem to offer that. Now I see the stories are more like vignettes; little pictures of something larger and deeper and wider--past my readerly peripheral vision.

More later, I'm sure.

Another book read...

A few minutes ago, I finished reading Multiple Blessings by Jon & Kate Gosselin.



What an amazing story! Definitely an easy read and if you've ever seen the show, it's fun to find out how everything began. :)


I'm still in the process of reading Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris. Such a good read! A favorite, for sure.

Headed Southwest...!!

For the next week or so, I'll be updating on my travel blog (http://where-is-betsy.blogspot.com) so if you're not subscribed to that one, maybe you ought to be. ;)

Why am I updating on the travel blog? Because I'm traveling, of course! I'm headed out to Rehoboth, New Mexico!

I could say a lot of things about who I'm going with, why we're going, and things like that, but it would be redundant since all of that information is on the other blog (there are two entries about Rehoboth, the rest are from my internship in CA).

Please check it out, stay updated, and pray for us!

Betsy

Annual New Year's Post for 2009.

Yesterday I got a chance to look back on four New Years blog entries from past years. (For some reason I'm missing a blog entry anticipating the year 2006- I'm almost positive one would have been written, but I can't seem to track it down.) Anyway. Reading these, especially reflecting on the ways I've changed and grown since I started doing this back in 2003, is partly a heart-wrenching ordeal, and partly celebration, since I can look back and say YES, God was faithful.

Some excerpts--

For 2004, predictions for the upcoming year (instead of resolutions):

1) my dads disease will be getting worse.
2) i predict that i'll be closer to God this year.
3) a lot of my friendships will be stronger this coming year.
4) i have a feeling that if my school stuff slipped this year, it's gonna slip even MORE next year. for whatever reasons.
5) i think i'll be a better writer this coming year.

(They all came true.)

For 2005, mostly a reflection on the past year and the death of my dad:

"it's coming down to me saying yes-- yes, 2004 was a great year in so many ways... and also heartbreaking, too. but this is the end. no! this is the beginning. 

next year at this time, i can look back and see how things have changed. it'll be good for me, every year i do this and every year i'm amazed by the changes. it's a little disheartening to think that this is going to be my first year without my dad.... but it's also going to be a good year, too. yep, i know it. i can only move forward....
all and all---

jesus. friendship. travel. worship. breaking hearts. family. truth. coming together. living. joy."

For 2007, after returning from Scotland and facing reverse culture shock:

"I guess feel as though I'm stale, but I think it would be better to think of this point as stalemate. The dictionary defines it as "a situation in which further action or progress by opposing or competing parties seems impossible"....

Further action or progress seems impossible.

...I'm desperately in need of Grace. I kinda stink at transitions when I'm reluctant to let go." [I also included the lyrics for "When I Go Down-Relient K.]

For 2008, a prayer for Grace:

"Oh Lord, Plant the seed of Love in my heart. Teach me Acceptance-with-Joy and Bearing-the-Cost. Make my feet like the deers'. I sacrifice my will on these feeble altars. Be my Savior, and I will follow you wherever you go.

Pray for me as I walk hand in hand with both Sorrow and Suffering,"

So. Looking back, I think you can see with me the persistence a the theme of me needing Grace. And I have been given it in abundance. There is especially a stark contrast between me this year and where I was last year. Even in the last six months, I have become a stronger individual in every area. I am so grateful that people can change; that I could change. I have real freedom in Christ because of this.

This year is a final chapter in my life as a college student. It will be a story of finishing strong academically, of discovering what my first job of my teaching career will be, and of leaving home for good.

But it will also be a story of community, of new friendships made and old friendships held dear, of accomplishments and of disappointments. Pain is a non-negotiable part of any year, but so is growth.

When I wrote my post last year, I wanted change to come on quickly, for me to step into the person that I am now within days or weeks. But that didn't happen; it took a whole year. Change happens slowly. But God has been faithful and merciful. I can trust that His grace is sufficient for me. And it is sufficient for you.

My friends, may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ this year.
To God be the glory, now and forever, now and forever, Amen.

Betsy


A preview of 2009...
January: Mission trip to Rehoboth!
February-April: Student teaching at Jenison High!
May: Walking in the Graduation ceremony... woohoo!
June-August: HOPEFULLY interning somewhere in Grand Rapids... and turning 22 :)
September-December: Last semester of college + graduation!